


Saving Lives

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Based on Grey's Anatomy, Everyone is a doctor, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Descriptions of Injuries, Grey's Anatomy inspired, Medical Jargon, Medical Procedures, Mentions of people dying, Minor Character Death, POV Sam Winchester, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, alternative universe, in one chapter only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8382004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: You’re a general surgeon in the Kansas General Hospital. Everything goes great, you’re incredible at your job, but the thing that you lack are friends. It changes when a new surgeon, Sam Winchester, shows up at the hospital.





	1. The Beggining

**Author's Note:**

> I'm reposting this series (Chapters 1-3) from my tumblr. It should be updated shortly!
> 
> Hope you're going to enjoy :)

“Hold the elevator!’ You shouted, speeding through the hallway with an armful of your patients’ charts . You had to get to the lab as soon as possible, there were some important test results waiting for you. Thankfully someone was inside and listened to your request.  
  
You got in, breathing heavily and looking like you’ve probably ran a marathon, but you couldn’t care less. Your looks weren’t important, only people you were trying to save were. When you looked up, fixing your hair a bit so it wouldn’t get in your eyes and mouth, you were met with the most adorable looking person possible.  
  
“Thanks.” You stuttered, not so discreetly staring at the man’s face. He was smiling at you but it wasn’t just some mediocre smile. Happiness was nearly radiating from him. He had those gorgeous dimples and, basically, reminded you of a little, cute puppy.  
  
“You’re welcome. I’m doctor Sam Winchester, a new cardiothoracic surgeon.” He said, offering you a hand. It was giant, just like the rest of his body. 

“I’m Y/N. A general surgeon. Nice to meet you.” You smiled softly and shook his hand, noticing how firm and strong his grip was.  
  
The elevator stopped at the first floor and you got out, trying not to bump into anyone.  
  
“See you around!” Doctor Sam shouted and you waved at him, hoping that you would get to know that man a little better. It would be nice for such a loner like you to have a friend in the hospital.  
  
Your patient’s blood work results didn’t contain nothing strange; she only had major inflammation what, along with the excruciating pain in the left side of her body, making it impossible for her to move, indicated appendix infection. You called the operating theatre and told them to prepare everything for simple appendectomy. It was going to take an hour tops and then you would be able to get some rest before another surgery of yours.  
  
You decided to exchange a few more words with your patient before the operation, just to be sure that you didn’t miss anything.  
  
“How are you feeling, Eveline?” You asked, entering the room.  
  
“Awful, I guess. But I’m having a surgery in a half of an hour. That’s what the nurse told me.” She gritted through the clenched teeth, the pain obviously getting more and more intense.  
  
“That’s right. We’re going to take that appendix out of you and you’ll be free to go home tomorrow.” You answered, smiling softly at her.  
  
“Good to hear that.” She admitted quietly, rolling onto her back.  
  
“See you soon, then.” You said, turning around, and started walking toward the elevator. You pressed the 0 button because the operating theatre was on the lowest floor of the hospital. Then, you got into the bathroom near the scrub room. You secured your hair into a bun with some elastic and put a surgical cap on your head, fastening it behind.  
  
Getting into the scrub room, you greeted an anaesthesiologist who was supposed to keep you company through the whole procedure. You got ready quickly, scrubbing your arms furiously and the scrub nurses dressed you in the proper gown as you entered the operating theatre.  
  
You stepped closer to reassure your patient lying on the table that everything was going to be okay. You squeezed her hand when the anaesthesia started kicking in and, soon, she was fast asleep.  
  
“Let’s get to work.” You said, taking your place near the left side of the table. “Scalpel, please.” You reached your hand to take the device in your hand and started slowly cutting the flesh. It caused a lot of blood to pour out and you were surprised because it shouldn’t be that much. After a while, though, everything got back to normal.  
  
Then, you cut through the fat and dermis, only to realise that there was more and more blood coming out. It shouldn’t have been happening. Something must’ve been wrong. You decided to take the appendix out as soon as it was possible and close her up so she wouldn’t bleed to death.  
  
“BP is dropping!” The nurse shouted, the buzzing of the monitores filled the room.  
  
“Someone go and get some blood, O positive. I need one more minute.” You ordered, separating the appendix from the bowel which caused more and more blood to fill the abdomen while one of the nurses ran out of the operating theatre. The bowel ripped in two because the walls were paper-thin and you knew that it shouldn’t have happened. They shouldn’t look like this, that’s how a patient’s tissues with serious nutrition disorders looked like and the blood work didn’t indicate anything like that. She didn’t say she had problems.  
  
The nurses grabbed some septic cloth and tried to stop the hemorrhage, stuffing it in the abdomen, so you could finish putting the stitches on the stump. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to work. In a matter of seconds, the cloths were bright red and the BP was dropping even further.  
  
“Where is the blood, goddammit?” You muttered under your breath, trying desperately to fix both of the wounds. Even with your precision and the rapid speed you were working at you couldn’t do it. Before you got the chance to even try to repair the bowel, your patient started crashing.  
  
“Charge to 100. Clear!” You shouted, taking the devices and pressing them to the woman’s chest. Her body shook but the line on the monitor remained unsteady.  
  
“Charge to 200. Clear!” You repeated the action but nothing changed. Completely nothing. You took a deep breath because you knew that it was now or never.  
  
“Charge to 300. Clear!” You wanted so desperately for it to work, so desperately, that you found yourself praying and you weren’t much of a praying type. When the beeping started filling the room you knew that it was over. The silence hung in the air; it was the first patient that you’ve lost and everyone knew it. You took a look at the clock hanging on one of the walls and swallowed a lump in your throat before you said “Time of death 3:40. Someone close her up.”  
  
You got out of the operating theatre, nearly running to the elevator. You killed her. It was all your fault. Something was wrong and you didn’t find out what it was before the surgery. She would be alive if you didn’t screw up. Battling with your thoughts, you stormed out of the elevator and into the specialist’s room, slamming the door behind you. Fortunately, no one was inside and you could stop holding back the tears.  
  
You sat on the couch, curling yourself into a ball, and sobbed quietly for God knows how long. You knew that you couldn’t save everyone; that was the first thing they told you when you began an internship, but you managed to do so and you started believing that maybe they were lying. Unfortunately, they were right.  
  
There were a few possible reasons as to why she bleed out on your table. Your patient must’ve had an eating disorder because there was no other thing that would describe the paper-thin walls of her internal organs. Also, enormous bleeding indicated that she must’ve had problems with blood coagulability. There was no way that she would simply die having only an appendix inflammation. If only you’ve ordered to do more blood tests it could’ve not happened at all.  
  
You got so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t hear the door open. You jumped when you felt someone’s hand on your shoulder, calming down only when you realised that it was Doctor Sam.  
  
“I heard what happened.” He stated simply, sitting on the couch beside you. “It wasn’t your fault.” He added, smiling softly.  
  
“It is my fault. I should’ve ordered more tests. I should’ve talk to her. Really talk to her. Maybe she’d have told me that something was wrong. Maybe…” You didn’t have the chance to finish that one because Sam interrupted you in the mid-sentence.  
  
“It wouldn’t have changed anything. And you know why? Because you did everything right. You asked about her medical history. You’ve ordered all the necessary tests. It wasn’t your fault, Y/N. It just happened.” He said, looking you straight in the eyes but you found it hard to believe him.  
  
“How are you so sure that I didn’t make a mistake? You don’t know me, maybe I’m just  a shitty surgeon.” You hid your face in your hands, trying to contain the tears that wanted to simply run down your cheeks.  
  
“You’re the best surgeon I’ve ever known. You’re not running after awards, you look like you haven’t sleep in a week, no offence of course, you care so much about others that it gets you hurt. Nothing is more important for you than  your patients’ health.” Sam whispered, placing a hand on your shoulder. You leaned into his touch unintentionally, pulling away once you realise what’s happening.  
  
„But that doesn’t change the fact that I messed up.” You answered, swallowing a lump in your throat. He standed up, and offered you hand. You had no idea what he wanted from you.  
  
„Come on. I want to show you something.” Sam insisted and you obliged, taking his hand and getting back on your feet. He didn’t let go of your hand, dragging you out of the specialits’s room. He stopped in front of one of your patients’ room, waiting to be discharged tomorrow. Your eyebrows knitted in confusion as you tried to figure out what was going on.  
  
„So, what now?” You asked, shifting the weight of your body from one foot to the other.  
  
„He’s alive because of you. If you didn’t try to take out that tumour he would have been long gone.” He stated and you took a look at the man lying on the hospital bed. Sam dragged you in front of another room and smiled softly. „You saved that woman as well.” He pointed to the next door and looked you straight in the eyes. „And that one, too. You save people, Y/N, not kill them. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”  
  
„Wait. How do you know all that stuff? You’re new here.” You wondered, genuinely curious.  
  
„People talk. I listen. And it happens that they talk a lot about you. You’re a hero of this hospital and if you don’t want to believe me, then believe all those who told me only great things about you when I asked.” Sam said, flashing you a shy smile.  
  
A grin appeared on your face once you realized that he’s right. You performed lots of successful surgeries, and this one didn’t matter, considering the number of people you’ve already saved. It wasn’t your fault that she kept all those informations from you and, honestly, you did everything you could to save her.  
  
„Thank you, Sam.” You muttered, involuntarily squeezing the hand that you are holding. Sam’s hand, you realized. You slowly let go, to stop things from getting awkward. He blushed slightly, like he just thought about the same thing, but he didn’t seem to be mad at you.  
  
„You’re welcome.” He answered, putting his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat. „I was wondering if, maybe, you’d like to eat a lunch with me. It’s okay if you already have company.” He admitted and you couldn’t help but wonder why was he being so nice to you.  
  
„Sure. I’m having a bowel resection in a minute and then I can go and grab something to eat.” You said, flashing Sam a grin.  
  
„Awesome. Do you want to me to walk you to the OR? I don’t have any surgeries soon.” He offered, shuffling on his feet.  
  
„Yeah, let’s go.” You agreed and you both started walking toward the elevator. Once you got inside, he pressed the 0 button and ran a hand through his hair. You both got out, moving in sync, and you didn’t even notice that you’re already there. You had to admit that you were staring at Sam here and then. You couldn’t blame yourself, though. He was gorgeous and sweet.  
  
„Good luck, Y/N.” He said, smiling softly and you smiled back at him. “If it’s okay I’d like to watch you from the gallery and witness the miracle by myself.” He wondered and you slowly nodded.  
  
„Sure, it’s fine by me. See you later, then.” You answered and got inside the scrub room, ready to save another life.


	2. Start of Something New

The surgery went by so smoothly that you couldn’t believe it. Your patient did great, his vitals were stable, and you could simply do your job, not worrying about anything. There were no complications, it was all almost too ideal to be true.

You were taking a peek at the gallery here and there, finding Sam looking at you with something in his eyes that you couldn’t quite name. You would place it between pride and being impressed with your work. You couldn’t deny that it flattered you a bit.

Once you closed the patient and got out of the scrub room, Sam was already waiting for you in the hallway, grinning like an idiot.

“You were amazing there! And you saved another person’s life!” He pulled you into a hug and you hugged him back, smiling from ear to ear.

“I know, it was great!” You said, pulling away from him and taking off your surgical cap, stuffing it in your pocket. Then, you wiped the sheen of sweat which formed on your forehead with your palm.

“I told you! Let’s go, lunch is on me.” He offered you an arm and you took it, laughing happily.

You both made your way to the cafeteria, Sam asking you about the details of the surgery, his enthusiasm and curiosity boosting your mood even more. Once you got inside, you walked closer to the counter, ordering yourself a ham and cheese sandwich, along with cappucino. Sam got himself a salad and a smoothie, paying for your food as well, and you couldn’t help but throw “rabbit food” joke at him, to which he reacted with a wide grin.

You approached the table in the back of the room, most of the people staring at Sam like he was a part of a musem exhibit. You knew why they were doing that: firstly, he was new there, like a shiny toy which everyone wanted to play with, and he didn’t look bad. Actually you were sure that the majority of ovaries-having staff was swooning over him.

“Earth to Y/N!” You didn’t realise you were staring at Sam until he waved his hand in front of your face.

“Yeah? What?” You cleared your throat and took a sip of your coffee.

“Nothing. You were just miles away from here.” He smiled and shoved some lettuce into his mouth.

“I just got lost in my thoughts. What were you saying?” You wondered, crossing your legs and leaning back in your chair.

“Complementing your technique.” He teased making you giggle a bit.

“No kidding. Tell me why did you move here?” You took a bite of your sandwich, almost choking when you saw the expression on Sam’s face. He clearly didn’t expect you to ask about that.

“What do you mean?” He wondered, brushing hair away from his face.

“From what I’ve heard, you’re an amazing surgeon.” Sam wanted to interrupt you in mid-sentence but you didn’t give him a chance. “Nah-ah. Let me finish. If you’re an amazing surgeon you must’ve worked in a great place so, please, explain to me why did you left it or why did they fire you.”

“Oh, that’s a long story.” He shrugged it off but you weren’t going to let that one go. You needed to know something about him, other than that he was cute, adorable and handsome as fuck. Maybe a sad story would stop your mind from trying to come up with a ways to skip the friendship part and go to the more heated stuff. You needed a friend not a hook up.

“We’ve got time. At least, until they page us. And I enjoy a long story once in a while.” You stated with determination, making Sam sigh.

“You’re unbelievable.” He chuckled and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“I know. Gives me the advantage. Come on, spill.” You insisted and he nodded, finishing his salad and leaning forward towards you.

“I wanted to get away.” He stuttered and took a deep breath.

“From what? Or who?” You wondered, chewing on a sandwich and taking another sip of cappucino.

“Family.” You certainly didn’t expect that one. You were thinking, maybe crazy ex, but family?

What the hell?

“My father is a surgeon, my mom was a surgeon. After she died in an accident, dad got crazy and pushed me and my brother to become surgeons as well. I wanted to become one anyway but when I started working at my dad’s hospital, it was too much. Everyone looked at me thinking that I got this job only because my dad was the chef of surgery there. My brother doesn’t mind that one, though, he still works there. I left because I wanted to start fresh. I didn’t want people to think that, if it weren’t for my dad, I wouldn’t achieve anything.” Sam spoke so fast that when he finished, his chest was heaving. He looked around the diner, like he was making sure that no one heard anything, and then his attention returned to you. He was waiting for you to say something, you realised.

“I would do the same thing.” You blurted out finally, sincerity audible in your voice.

“Really? So you don’t think that I’m some freak and I should’ve stayed there?” Sam asked, his long fingers playing with the straw.

“Really. You made a good choice.” You added, an encouraging smile appearing on your lips. “You weren’t sure about that?”

“Now I am.” He said, the confidence in his voice making you blush a bit.

“Okay. So…” You wanted to ask him why chose this hospital in particular but you didn’t have a chance. All the pagers in the room went off and you quickly reached to your pocket, wanting to check what was all of this about. “There was a pile up on the highway, there are going to be multiple traumas here in a few minutes.” You said to Sam as he got up and you both rushed outside, taking the stairs, trying to get to ER as fast as possible

Once you got there, you slipped on yellow paper gowns. You gestured Sam to turn around so you could help him tie it down and he did the same for you, fixing your hair as well. That made you shiver a bit, his hands touching your neck, but you shaked your head afterwards, trying to keep your cool. You had more important things to think about than Sam’s warm and large hands.

When you turned around you couldn’t hold back a giggle when you saw Sam putting his long and shaggy hair into a bun.

“What?” He asked, shrugging his shoulders.

“Nothing. You look good like that.” You winked at him and lunged forward when you saw an ambulance pulling over. “What do we have here?” You turned your attention to the paramedics, waiting for them to give you details on the patient.

“18 year old girl, her vitals stable. 15 in Glasgow. BP 130 over 80. Broken jaw and left leg. Possible internal injuries. Her name’s Peyton.” Jo said, all of you moving toward the ER entrance.

“Hey Peyton. Do you hear me? Don’t speak, just blink if you do.” You smiled softly and took a look at your patient. She blinked at you, surely terrified, her jaw stabilised with some bandage, her leg tied to the other one. “My name’s Y/N and I’m going to take care of you, okay? You’re gonna be just fine.” She sighed in relief as you drove with her to the trauma two, all lights being turned on by Jo’s partner, Ash.

You gripped the edge of the stretchers and took a deep breath.

“We’re moving her on three. One. Two. Three.” You all picked her up gently and laid her on the bed, Ash and Jo going back to the ambulance, leaving you with some interns. “Paige Dr. Novak and Dr. Singer. We need a plastic and ortho consult.” You ordered, lifting girl’s shirt up a bit and checking out her abdomen. “Her belly’s soft but I’d like to order a CT, just to be sure.” A nurse nodded and got out of the room, the intern drawing some of the girl’s blood to check her blood type and do all the necessary labs, two other nurses cutting the girl’s clothing to give you more visibility and slipping hospital gown on the girl.

You stepped closer and held a finger in front of a Peyton’s face, telling her to follow it with her sight. She obeyed and you took a pocket flash light out of one of your pockets, checking her iris’ response to light. They shrinked evenly, just like they were supposed to.

“Everything’s good with her neuro functions but doctor Sands should check on her after we’re done with everything.” You told the nurse and she scribbled it on her notebook, the door opening with a loud squeak. They should repair it someday.

“Doctor Y/L/N. What do we have here?” Castiel asked, smiling softly at the girl.

“18 year old woman, her jaw was stabilised by someone, she can breathe, but the bones are fractured and, most likely, she’s going to need a surgery. Could you check this one out?” You suggested and he stepped closer, his fingers gently touching girl’s cheeks and moving lover, under her chin.

“10 mg of Morphine, please.” Castiel told the nurse and she obliged, making the girl breathe in deeply. “Book the OR and take her to CT, we need to know exactly how those fractures look like. I can’t go in blind.” He ordered and brushed the hair away from the Peyton’s face. “We need to take a picture of your bones so we know which one to fix, okay? Then we’ll take you to the Operating Theatre and put everything in place, alright?” She squeezed his hand and he took this as a yes, getting up and walking out of the trauma room. “Paige me when she’s ready.”

“Sure.” You said, doctor Singer approaching the room.

“Hey Y/N. What we got?”

“She just got her leg broken. Take a look at this and tell me if she needs surgery. Then you’re free to go.” He stepped closer to the patient and started carefully examining the leg, trying not to bring Peyton more pain than it was needed. After a while, Bobby turned back to you and smiled softly.

“No need to do a surgery, just put a cast on her leg after you do an X-ray and that’s it.” He patted your shoulder on his way out and you took a deep breath. Good that she didn’t need multiple surgeries.

You took a look at your pager, finding no messages waiting for you, so you decided to take the girl for CT and X-ray.

It didn’t take a lot of your time and, soon, you were ready to hand her to Castiel so he could perform a jaw surgery on her, her leg safe and sound in the cast. You wanted to leave her alone in the trauma room, so you could page the plastics and take another patient, but she grabbed your hand, forcing you to stay. She looked a bit terrified so you sat on the stool, next to the bed, and looked her in the eyes, your hand holding tightly hers.

“You want me to wait with you for the surgery?” Peyton blinked and you nodded, seeing that she relaxed once you agreed. “Okay, I’ll wait. You don’t need to be afraid, you know? Doctor Novak is the best and you’ll sleep through the whole procedure. No need to worry.” You started to explain all the details of the surgery to her, hoping that it’ll make her more calm and sure. Fortunately you were right.

After a while, nurse came to the room and said that the OR was free and you should get going. Castiel appeared not long after while you were getting into the elevator, and asked you about your day. You told him about the patient that you lost today, keeping it quiet so Peyton wouldn’t hear, and he patted you on your shoulder, smiling softly. He was a really good surgeon, some people said his hands could heal, and he was your only friend it seemed. Maybe not a friend, you weren’t that close, but the only person in the hospital that listened to your rambling. Okay, maybe he was your friend after all.

In no time, you were in front of the OR. You wished all the staff good luck and promised the girl that everything was going to be fine. Then, they got inside and you decided to go to on-call room and get some sleep. It was getting late and you needed to be well rested to deal with all your post-ops in the morning.

You didn’t get a chance to rest, though, because when you were about to fall on the bed, your pager went off, a terrifying message appearing on the screen.

Doctor Sands was in a car accident. It’s bad.


	3. Cooperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter I'm reposting, next one needs to be written. Hope you'll enjoy!

The only thing you heard was your erratic heartbeat, making the adrenaline flow through your veins. You opened the door and rushed out of the on-call room.

_Thump-thump._

You didn’t take the elevator but opted for the stairs instead to save some precious time. You had to get there as soon as possible. You had to know what was going on immediately. 

_Thump-thump._

You ran through the hallway toward the trauma ward, weaving through dozens of nurses and doctors, not caring if you bumped into someone or not. It didn’t matter after all, only your destination did.

_Thump-thump._

You took a look at the screen which was showing all the trauma rooms and patients laying in them. When you saw that doctor Sands, Josie, was in the trauma two, your legs started carrying you there before you had the time to even think. They knew the way there by heart anyway.

The sound of you slamming the door after you got into that trauma room snapped you out of your daze.

“Y/N? It’s great you’re here. We need you!” You turned your head to see Sam standing on the left side of the stretchers. His hands were pressing on Josie’s chest over and over again while the nurse was ventilating her with an ambu bag.

“O-okay.” You took a deep breath, trying to gather yourself, as you stepped closer and spotted blood soaking through her striped t-shirt. You quickly took some gloves from the trolley, put them on and lifted the piece of clothing to give yourself a better look at the injury. Angry red blood started spilling out on your hands when you did it.

_Oh shit._

“Give me some sterile gauze, now!” You shouted while trying to stop the bleeding. You gathered the gauze from one of the interns and pressed down onto the wound, around the piece of glass embedded into the flesh. It worked, it would give you some time to take her to the OR.

“We have her back,” Sam let out and stopping the resuscitation. The electrocardiogram started showing beautiful ups and downs. And you couldn’t be happier to see those lines and hear a steady heartbeat.

“Thank god,” You breathed out in relief, knowing that you could fix all the damage once you had her on the table. “Sam, I need to open her up. I need to know if this,” you said gesturing to the piece of glass, “cut through something important or not. If so, I need to repair it as soon as possible,” You said and he nodded, showing you to climb up on the hospital bed.

You hoped on with his help, his strong arm supporting you so you wouldn’t fall down. You had to apply pressure on the wound the whole time, meaning you couldn’t support yourself.

You ended up facing Josie’s legs. Your left leg parralel to the left side of her body, your right leg with the right side of her body and your knees straight on the bed. This position you were in created an invisible line going through the middle of her chest.

“You ready?” Sam asked, wanting to make sure they could move Josie safely, and you nodded.

“Then let’s go,” He said, ordering the nurse to open the door and telling the rest to help him push the hospital bed.

You didn’t pay any attention to the surroundings as you were moving through the hospital. The only thing you saw and felt was doctor Sands’ body, thankfully still warm, under your touch. People were going out of your way without asking. They most certainly saw that something must’ve been terribly wrong, considering you were transported on the bed along with her. It didn’t happen often.

You didn’t have to wait for the elevator, either, as it arrived just when it was supposed to. It was like everything what was happening was scheduled by someone.

“Do you want me to scrub in, Y/N? It was a pretty bad accident and she might’ve suffered other injuries that we don’t see the effects of yet,” Sam’s voice brought you back to reality and you turned your head a bit to look at him directly. “I don’t want to be a clairvoyant, I’m simply afraid that something could’ve been seriously damaged, considering she hit the steering wheel really hard. Just want to make sure we’ll do everything we can,” He added as the elevator stopped and the door opened.

“Absolutely. A set of extra hands might come in handy,” You admitted as they all began to push the bed out of the elevator, into the hall.

Sam stayed outside of the OR and went to the scrub room. As you got into the OR, the scrub nurses were preparing the table they were going to move Josie onto. Somehow, they slid her from the hospital bed and you hopped off of it, not stopping compression. Lucky you.

To scrub in, you had to let someone take over with pressing the gauze to the wound. The moment you saw Sam coming inside the OR, gowned and sterile, you gestured him to come closer. He obeyed and you didn’t have to say anything to explain what you wanted to do. He simply covered the edges of the now-red gauze with his hands, stabilising the foreign body and, as a result, letting you step away from the table.

You scrubbed in in a hurry a lot of times already but this one was different. 

Josie was a person that took you under her wings when you started working in Kansas General Hospital. She showed you everything and helped you befriend most of the staff, as she was on good terms with pretty much everyone. There was no one who would say something spiteful or hateful about her; everyone liked her. It sounded almost impossible, but that was the truth. The interns were teasingly calling her Auntie Josie, as she was always ready to help them in any way she could.

That’s why this surgery was the most important one in your career so far.

As you got back into the OR, all the nerves immediately went away. You jokingly called it the OR effect while describing it to the interns. You stood on the left side of the operating table, telling doctor Winchester to stop pressing onto the wound. Then, you grasped the piece of glass firmly with the tweezers, bracing yourself before getting it out.

“I’ll take it out on three. Sam, be ready to help.”

“Of course.” He said, a warm smile appearing on his face, making you a bit more calm than you were.

“Ready? One, two, three,“ You slowly slid the glass out of Josie’s body, not sensing any resistance. Blood started pouring out like a waterfall after you completely got it out and threw the piece of glass onto the trolley.

“Suction, please,” As the interns cleared the operating field, finding the source of the bleeding was pretty easy. It turned out that Josie’s spleen was completely damaged by the glass and the accident, meaning you had no other choice than to remove it.

You did it hundred of times already and you had no difficulties with doing it this time, either.

After doing just that, you noticed something shiny embedded in one of the left kidney’s blood vessels.

“Sam, take a look at this.” You requested, hoping that it wasn’t what you thought it was. He bent forward, scrunching his forehead, and sighed.

“The glass cut through the vessel, you’re right,” Sam had no other choice than to confirm your suspicions, “It’s the only thing keeping the blood in place and if we remove it, there’ll be a lot of bleeding.” He sighed and shrugged, “But, we have to take it out and we also have to cut out the kidney, it’s been deprived of oxygen for too long. We’re not going to be able to repair it.”

“Dammit,” You hissed and shook your head. Living with one kidney wasn’t impossible but it’d be a huge burden for the recovering body to function with only one of the kidneys.

“Okay, let’s do it,” You said finally, already having a plan, “Sam, you’ll take the glass out. I’ll stop the bleeding and then you’ll take out the kidney. Deal?”

“Deal.” He responded, nodding when you took a look at him. He looked more concentrated than ever, not wanting to bring more damage than necessary. Bracing the piece of glass in the tweezers, he pulled it out slowly; his hold on it as steady as it could be.

You got to work without hesitation, clamping the vein just ahead of the place of harm, and then stitching the walls of the vein together once doctor Winchester cut off the kidney with a scalpel.

You both worked really well as a team, your moves getting more and more synchronised as the time was passing. What was also surprising was the fact that you didn’t have to voice your opinions, concerns, thoughts. Nothing. Sam simply reacted without you telling him to do so.

That must’ve been quite a sight, you had to admit. You two communicating without any words.

Glancing once in a while at all the monitors, you found yourself beyond relieved seeing that Josie’s vitals were getting more and more stable. That meant you were both doing a good job, if not an amazing one. And that meant she had a huge chance to fully recover. That meant it was possible for you to save her.

After careful examination and thorough checking of the surgical field, you’d come to a conclusion that you did everything and there was nothing else to fix inside. With that being said, you and Sam closed her and went back to the scrub room.

“I thought it was going to be much worse,” He said, furiously scrubbing his arms.

“Me too. She was lucky,” You responded, taking off the surgical cap and hiding it in one of your pockets.

“You’re right. We need to order a full body CT and MRI for her, just to be sure that there’s no other internal bleeding,” Sam requested, opening the door for you, and you both got out of the scrub room.

“Absolutely. I’m worried that there might be some subarachnoid hemorrage. It’s pretty common in those cases,” You fixed your hair as you both got into the elevator.

“That’s true. Hopefully, there will be none, or the bleeding will be so insignificant that it won’t need surgery.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” You sighed, feeling the tiredness seep through your bones, as the adrenaline left your system. To say that you were tired was an understatement. “We made a great team back there, don’t you think?” You asked and yawned.

“We were great,” Sam smiled and patted your shoulder as you both got onto the hall, “You look like you need to go home and get some sleep. My shift ends at 7pm. When does yours end?”

“7 am. What time is it anyway?” You wondered, rolling up your sleeve and glancing at your watch. “It’s already 5.30. My, how the time flies.”

“Okay. Check on your post-ops and go home. It’s an order, you look like you might pass out any minute. I’ll be here, I’ll order all the labs, and I’ll be checking on doctor Sands regularly and updating you. How does that sound?” He asked, letting his hair loose and shaking his head like a wet dog.

“Sounds great. Give me your phone, I’ll give you my number so you can text me with all the info,” Sam took his phone out of his pocket and you typed your number on it, calling yourself, “Okay, I called my number. Here you go.”

“Sure,” He answered, stopping in front of a staircase, “I need to go to the ER, ask if they need any help, as I’m covering it today. See you tomorrow, Y/N?” He wondered, smiling awkwardly.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Sam.” You said, flashing him a grin, and turned around, starting to walk toward the Surgery Ward.

Once you were there, you decided to check on Peyton first. She must’ve been out of the surgery for some time now. Finding her room wasn’t difficult but you stopped in your tracks, thinking that she might be asleep. Peeking through the courtains, it turned out you were right. Her face was bandaged and an IV with what you were sure was Morphine was hanging on the metal stand. She was getting rest, that was the most important thing. You didn’t have to ask her to know that she must’ve been in pain.

Going through the rest of your patients was quick and easy. Most of them were supposed to be discharged today or tomorrow and the only thing you had to do was to fill out the discharge forms. It was time consuming but not difficult as you filled lots of these through your whole career.

You finished filling out the papers and checking on all your patients a few minutes before 7 a.m.. You went to the doctors’ room and got changed out of your scrubs and into your casual clothes. You packed another pair of scrubs in your bag and got out of the room and, soon, out of the hospital. 

Getting to the parking lot, you unlocked your car. You opened the door, got inside and threw your bag on the passenger’s seat. While buckling up the seat belt, you glanced at the rear mirror and sighed, seeing how tired and miserable you looked. You always looked like this after a 24 hour shift. Starting the car’s engine, you thought of your comfy bed at home. And knowing that you had almost a whole day off, made your journey home pass really fast.


	4. Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed this one so so much! I hope you're going to like it, let me know, okay?
> 
> Beta'd by @waywardlullabies on Tumblr

As you arrived home and got inside, you struggled to keep your eyes open. You wanted to go to sleep immediately, but you had yet to take a shower to wash off all the worries and exhaustion. 

Some of your colleagues were complaining about the smell of the hospital, that it seeped through all their clothes and was impossible to get rid of, but you actually liked it. You didn’t have a family, and the hospital was the closest thing you felt was a home, and made you cherish the fresh and sterile smell. It was something you connected with feeling safe and needed. It seemed logical, at least to you.

But, maybe you were just a weird person that swapped normal life for pretty much living in the hospital?

Hoping it would wake you up a bit, you shrugged out of your clothes, letting them fall to the floor, and entered the bathroom. After adjusting the water temperature, you stepped under the hot spray, relishing the feeling of water making your stiff muscles relax slowly.

You always spent a lot of time in the shower, this time being no different, and you got out only when the water turned freezing cold, making goosebumps appear on your skin.

Your stomach rumbled loudly once you got dressed in your PJ’s and you went to the kitchen, trying to find something to eat. As you opened the fridge, you were met with some leftovers from the day before you started your 24 hr shift. You took out a plate with some spaghetti and, being too lazy to throw it onto the pan, you put it in microwave, impatiently tapping your fingers on the sink when you waited for it to get ready.

Seemed like you underestimated how hungry you were as you finished the meal in record time, but, again, you shouldn’t be surprised. You didn’t actually have time to eat, considering that you had an emergency surgery and a patient who needed you to be there for them, and you would never leave a patient alone if they needed comfort.

Your job was tough, you had to admit, but it gave your life purpose. You always wanted to help people, to make the world a better place, and even if you were turning into a zombie after every long shift, you wouldn’t change a thing in your life.

After putting the dishes in the sink, you padded to your room and plopped onto the bed, letting out a sigh.

You glanced at the clock hanging on the wall opposite to your bed, the mechanism showing 9 a.m., and slid the bed sheets over your body, falling asleep almost at the same time your head touched the pillow.

You woke up feeling quite refreshed, considering you’ve slept only for six hours. You decided against sleeping more, at least for then, as you had to get up early the next day for work.

When you managed to tame your hair and find some clean clothes in the closet, you got to work doing laundry, washing the dishes, organising the clothes that were scattered everywhere. To be precise, you just made your apartment look a bit better and not like a dumpster that you accidentally turned it into every time you had a streak of 24 hr shifts.

When you were satisfied with the result, you decided to cook something you could take to work tomorrow, as another long shift was awaiting you and, as far as you knew, Sam would start the shift with you tomorrow, so maybe you could share your food with him?

Speaking of Sam, he was supposed to update you on Josie’s state and you didn’t hear your phone going off at any point. That was certainly suspicious as your phone was right by your side all the time.

You took your phone out of the sweats’ pocket and wanted to check for the messages, but it seemed that it died and you didn’t even notice. You took the charger out of your purse and plugged it in, waiting impatiently for it to turn on.

As the lock screen appeared, you spotted a few unanswered calls and around ten unread messages, all from Sam. You swiped the screen with your index finger and unlocked the phone to check your inbox.

The messages varied from: ”Her vitals are stable,”, “CT and MRI showed no internal bleeding, don’t worry,” to “Something’s wrong, we’re taking her to the OR,” and the last, most terrifying message was, “I’m sorry, we lost her, call me asap,”.

You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, it must’ve been an understatement, and you called Sam, your fingers trembling as you waited for him to pick up.

He answered the call shortly and you blurted out simple, ”Sam, what the hell happened?”.

You heard him sigh before he answered, “I was in the pit when I got a page. I ran as fast as I could there and after I heard what the nurses told me, it was obvious that her aorta had ruptured.”

At that moment, you covered your mouth with your hand and slid to the floor, your back against the cold wall, “we got her to the OR in a blink of an eye, but it was too late. The blood was everywhere and we couldn’t repair the walls of the aorta, they were shredded to pieces,” you heard Sam’s voice crack, you could tell he was as upset as you were, maybe even more.

Tears started flowing from your eyes freely then and, even if you wanted, you couldn’t stop them from pouring out, ”I’m so sorry, but there was no way we could prevent it from happening, it’s nobody’s fault,” Sam said soothingly, like he knew you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“No, please, you must be joking, tell me that this is a stupid joke!” you begged, clutching the phone tightly in your hand.

"I wish it was a joke. She’s gone. Josie is dead,” he said and you knew why he spoke that way to you.

When you started your residency your attending used to teach all of you how to pass the family the information about the death of their loved ones and one of the most important things she said to you was to use word “dead” or “death” in the conversation. Sometimes, that was the only way for the family to understand what actually happened and it made you realise what happened as well.

She was dead, there was no going back. It was over.

“Oh god,” was the only thing that came to your mind after it all clicked in place.

“I know, it must be terrible for you. You were friends,” was his response and you started taking deep breaths, as an attempt to calm yourself down, but it probably wouldn’t work anyway, “Look, I think you should call in sick, I’m sure they’ll understand,” he offered but you shook your head “no”, even though he couldn’t see you.

“I can’t, Sam. There’s no one to cover my patients for me, it’s my responsibility to take care of them,” you whispered, your voice breaking under all the emotions.

“Okay, it’s your choice. Will you be okay or do you want me to stay with you on the phone for awhile?” he asked.

“I’ll be fine, you’ve got patients to treat,” you said, trying to sound cheerfully, but failing miserably.

“Actually, I just finished my round and I have nothing to do, unless they page me for consults to the pit. My shift will be over in an hour tops,” Sam explained and you could sense that he didn’t want to leave you on your own, you didn’t know why, though. You actually barely knew him, but he seemed to understand you really good already.

“O-okay. Will you distract me then?” you wondered, getting up from the floor and walking toward your bedroom.

“Sure. I checked on Peyton not that long ago,” he said and you smiled involuntarily as you thought about the girl you all managed to save.

“Yeah? How is she?” you asked, plopping onto the bed.

“Well, it’s hard to say for sure, but it seems like everything’s going pretty well. Cas said that her jaw will be fine, we only have to wait until it heals properly, same goes for her leg,” Sam explained and you exhaled loudly in relief.

“That’s great. Wait, Cas? Cas, as doctor Castiel Novak?” you wondered, a hint of surprise in your voice.

“Yeah. What, you never thought of calling him Cas?” 

“No, but I like it. It has a nice ring to it,” you admitted, “so, you two are friends now?” you asked and heard Sam chuckle.

“I think it’s too early to say that, but he’s a cool guy,” he said and you nodded, putting your phone on the speaker and setting it on the pillow laying next to you.

“That’s true, Castiel is great. Seems like he’s my only friend right now,” you stuttered out, sinking under the bed sheets and resuming a fetal position.

“I’m going to disagree with that,” Sam let out, surprising you, and before you had a chance to react, he added, “I’m your friend too, Y/N, okay?”.

You couldn’t help but smile at those words and you sighed, deciding that you had to get some sleep, considering you needed to go to work tomorrow.

If you would stay at home, it wouldn’t make you feel better, but the opposite. You would be miserable. You had to feel that victory after saving every patient, that would help you pull yourself together, and that’s why you were going to push through.

You would get up and carry on like nothing happened, simultaneously trying to get over this terrible loss on your own.

“Thanks, Sam. Okay, I’m going to hang up now, I need to get some sleep if I want to get up tomorrow and not feel like a zombie. Hope you have a good night shift,” you said, reaching for your phone.

“Thanks. Sleep well, I’ll see you tomorrow. And, remember, it was nobody’s fault, certainly not ours,” he assured and you could swore that he truly cared about your well-being, just like when he helped you pull yourself together after you lost your first patient.

“I know. Thanks for everything. Bye,” with those words, you hung up and set your alarm for 5am as it was your usual time to wake up when you were starting 24 hr shifts.

Fortunately, the adrenaline started to wear off after finishing your phone call with Sam and your eyelids started to drop slowly, making you yawn. Your eyes were too dry to produce tears anymore, but you still had trouble falling asleep, your mind providing you with images of Josie on the hospital bed, when you saw her for the last time.

After some tossing and turning, you finally drifted off to sleep, your mind hanging onto the hope that you would survive the next day somehow.

You were strong, you could deal with it.

At least, that’s what you thought.


	5. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're trying to surive the first day without Josie, guilt and sadness with you all the time. The only light in the darkness is presence of Doctor Sam Winchester right by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're gonna like this one, guys!
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor (I want to be, but shh) so there might be some innaccuracies in descriptions of medical procedures, even though I research thoroughly.

~~~~ You woke up a minute or two before your alarm’s sound pierced through silence, making it impossible for you to ignore the fact that a new day had started.

It hit you when you opened your eyes and got up; Josie was dead.

Taking a deep breath, you picked up your phone and turned off the alarm, trying not to let your mind wander toward the memories of her or the pain you were feeling since the day before. It was all too hard so you pushed it aside, deciding that you would attempt to absolutely ignore that what happened was real at all.

Maybe it wasn’t a healthy strategy, but that’s all you had so you’d have to stick with it.

* * *

You got through your morning on autopilot, running around to get ready and making sure that you didn’t forget to take everything with you. You cursed as you saw that you didn’t prepare any food for that whole day; it meant you had to pick up something at the mall or buy food from the hospital cafeteria so you wouldn’t starve.

One glance at your watch and the decision was made; it was too late to go shopping, so you gathered your bag and got out of your apartment, running down the stairs like a mad woman. Once you got out of the building and drove off from the parking lot you began thinking about Josie again, but you reasoned with yourself not to cry as it would ruin your makeup. You needed to look somewhat presentable as a doctor, after all.

* * *

Surprisingly, the streets were quite empty and you managed to get to the hospital fairly quickly, which left you with some spare time. Trying to avoid overthinking, you got out of the car, deciding that you would check up on your patients to pass the time.

You were so caught up with checking your phone that you nearly collided into someone and the corners of your lips twitched into an involuntarily smile once you saw it was Sam.

“I didn’t think you would be here so early,” you admitted, sliding the phone back into your jeans pocket. He finished his shift yesterday afternoon, so you thought he would be at work last minute.

“I don’t like to be late so I’m always too early,” he said simply, shrugging. After clearing his throat, Sam put his hand on your shoulder, “How are you holding up?”

You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself, then answered, “I don’t know. We’ll see,” your shaky voice was near to a whisper.

Sam’s only answer was to pull you closer to him and you complied, getting lost in his big frame and comfortable warmth, trying to convince yourself that everything would be okay with him by your side. His hand was stroking your back in a soothing manner and you wrapped your arms around his waist, squeezing so hard you were sure your hold on him was too tight, but he didn’t seem to mind.

You pulled away eventually and shot Sam something that you hoped he could consider a smile, even though you knew you looked sad and broken.

“Okay, let’s go,” you suggested, starting to walk, and Sam followed suit, being right by your side as you walked through the parking lot and got inside of the hospital.

As always, the surroundings and the feeling of being inside of the hospital calmed your nerves a bit, letting you take a deep breath and taking your mind away from the worries, at least partly. It might’ve sounded stupid, but having Sam with you brought you a weird sense of comfort and peace that you’ve never felt before.

When you entered the specialists’ room, however, you felt as if someone squeezed your throat with a lot of force. The sight of Josie’s locker with a few bouquets of flowers lying nearby was just too much for you and it made the guilt appear deep in your gut, even if you knew her death wasn’t truly your fault.

You turned around and stripped off your casual clothes, forgetting that Sam was in the room with you at all until your gaze landed on him. He was covering his eyes with a hand, wanting to provide you the privacy.

“Sorry, I got distracted…” you began, but he interrupted you mid-sentence.

“It’s fine. Let me know when you finish changing,” Sam said and you knew he really meant it, that he wasn’t weirded out by you taking your clothes off right in front of him. He must’ve understood that you weren’t completely focused on everything happening around you.

After putting your scrubs on you let out, “I’m good,” and he uncovered his eyes, smiling softly at you once your gaze locked with his. You finally felt like you were home as the worn out fabric enveloped your body.

You awkwardly gestured to the door and said, “I’ll be back in a minute, do you want a coffee?”

“Sure!” Sam beamed and you nodded, leaving him alone in the room so he could change comfortably.

The vending machine was in the middle of the corridor and you chose cappuccino for yourself, then went with simple black coffee for Sam as you forgot to ask what he wanted to drink. You hoped he didn’t mind coffee with no sugar or cream.

You nudged the door to the specialists’ room open with your foot, then got inside, trying not to spill steaming coffee onto you or anything else.

Sam already changed into dark blue scrubs, his smile wide as he saw you, and he got up immediately to take one of the cups from you. You gave him black coffee, then sat next to him on a couch, tasting the cappuccino and trying not to look at Josie’s locker, “Hope you like plain black, if not, I have sugar and cream in my locker,” you offered, but he shook his head no.

“Plain black sounds good. So, what are your surgeries for today?” Sam took a sip of the coffee and leaned back on the couch.

“Let me think for a second,” you sighed, “Removal of a tumor on pancreas, bowel resection and removal of a left kidney, because of a kidney failure,” you recited, the first shot of caffeine making its way into your bloodstream and helping you wake up for real.

Thanks to whoever or whatever was up there for caffeine.

“Pretty busy day, huh?” You nodded, then sat cross-legged on the couch, wanting to give your legs some rest before all those surgeries, “I’ve got mitral valve replacement, angiography and I think that’s it,” he explained, his long fingers tapping against the plastic cup absentmindedly.

“So, nothing special?” You wondered as you glanced at the clock. You had a bit more than ten minutes before you’d have to start your shift.

“Unfortunately not. But it’s fine, I like lazy days too,” just as he finished saying those few words the door to the room opened, revealing Castiel looking like he just ran a mile. His hair was disheveled and it seemed like he didn’t get any sleep the night before, bags under his eyes prominent.

“Hello, Y/N, Sam,” Castiel said, small smile finding its way onto his face, “we need you both in the pit, planned surgeries are being postponed for now. There’s been an explosion in an apartment house nearby and multiple traumas are coming our way.”

It seemed that the lazy day wouldn’t be lazy at all.

“Let’s go,” you got up from the couch and put half-empty cup into the trash bin, then walked closer to Castiel who, surprisingly, pulled you in for a hug, “What’s that for?”, You mumbled dumbfounded, your voice muffled against his scrubs.

After pulling away, he shrugged, “I don’t know, it just felt right.”

Only Cas could do something spontaneously, without thinking it through, and you loved him for that. That was one of many features that made him an amazing Chef of the Surgery. Most of the people thought that a plastic surgeon wouldn’t get that place, some of the surgeons considered plastic surgeons not qualified enough, but Castiel turned out to be irreplaceable as soon as he agreed to take that job and none of the surgeons would have it any other way.

You shot him a weak smile that you hoped would tell him everything you wanted to say, then put up  a new for you no-feelings attire, “Okay. Let’s leave that for another day, we’ve got some people to save.”

“Exactly, let’s do some good,” Sam added and the three of you began walking toward the pit, passing dozens of nurses and interns running around in frenzy; Castiel must’ve told them to prepare for the worst.

Once you got there, putting on gowns took no time as you helped each other tie the loose strings that would hold the gowns in place. Again, you couldn’t help but stare at Sam as he gathered his hair into a messy bun, but you managed to withdraw your gaze in time to avoid him noticing.

“You ready?” Sam whispered as he got a bit closer to you and you knew what he was referring to. He wasn’t asking you as a doctor, he knew you were perfectly capable of everything, he wanted to know if you could handle it as a human being, even though it might bring the memories of Josie back to the surface.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” you answered, trying to put confidence in your voice and believe what you were saying.

You just had to keep going and it’d all get better eventually.

Sam seemed to believe you and gestured with his hand for you to take the first patient that was coming in, the ambulance stopping right in front of the three of you, the door opening.

“What do we have here?” You asked Jo as she and Ash got out of the ambulance, wheeling the gurney with a man to the entrance as you kept following them.

“A man in his 30s; arms, chest and neck with second degree burns, abdomen with third degree burn and a shallow cut, bleeding stopped. Conscious, pupils responsive, BP 110 over 70,” Ash recited, handing you the patient card so you could see the rest of the vitals.

“Hurts, help, please!” The man shouted and you leaned toward him.

“I know. I’m Doctor Y/N and we’ll try to make it hurt less, okay?” You said in the most soothing voice you could and the man nodded slightly, a tear running down his cheek, “Let’s get him to Trauma 1,” you added as you entered the hospital.

“He’s just been given 10 of Morphine so it should start working in a few,” Jo announced as you opened the door to Trauma 1 that was already prepared by a nurse and a few interns, letting them push in the gurney with the patient.

“Do you know what exactly happened?” You asked the paramedics while washing your hands and putting on gloves.

“Kind of. He was found buried under the bricks, the remnants of the gas canister that they believe was the cause of all that mess was found a few meters from him,” she responded, hanging the IV drip onto the hanger, and got out of the room with Ash, leaving you to do your job.

“Can you tell me your name, sir?” you asked the man as you unwrapped the thermal blanket, wanting to assess the injuries on your own. 

“Don,” he breathed out, loud enough for you to hear.

“Okay Don. We’ll get rid of your clothes right now,” you explained in a soft but firm voice as the nurse began cutting the sleeves, telling the interns to pour saline when she had trouble detaching it from the burns. You took the flashlight out of your pocket and began checking the cranial nerve in both eyes, satisfied when you saw that the irises were shrinking properly. No brain damage, then, so you didn’t have to page Josie…

Josie. You couldn’t page her. Why did you think about paging her, you knew she was...

You shook your head slightly to bring yourself back to normal and, fortunately, it worked. You took a look at the burns, then; they weren’t as bad as you thought they would be, but, still, Castiel would have to take a look at those.

“Page Doctor Novak, please,” you said to Alex Jones, one of the interns, and she nodded, doing just like you told her.

Then, you gently touched the cut on the left side of the abdomen; it was skew and quite long, starting an inch or so below the ribs and ending on the right side of the abdomen, under the belly button. The edges were irregular; it seemed like the cut was made by something dull, like a wire, or similar to it.

As you touched the edges of the wound gently, the man hissed, and a bit of dark blood poured out. It definitely needed cleaning.

“Krissy, come closer please,” you said to one of the interns and she nodded.

She was always eager to learn and she had the ability to be very delicate while being sure and firm, like, during suturing, so you hoped she could handle it.

“Yes, Doctor Y/L/N?” She wondered as she stepped closer to you and eyed the man’s injuries.

“Have you ever cleaned a wound?” You started preparing all the necessary equipment for her, hoping that she had a bit of an experience already.

“Yes, a few times, under the supervision of Doctor Novak,” she admitted and you couldn’t help but smile faintly at her.

“Perfect. You know what to do then I’ll leave you to it. Ask if you’re not sure about something, okay?” 

“Of course,” she answered.

* * *

She worked efficiently, smoothly, and with deadly accuracy so when Castiel came to take a look at the patient you excused yourself, knowing that he could watch over her for a bit.

You got out of the pit and onto the fresh air, waiting for another patient to come, feeling raindrops falling onto your skin as if the world was crying over the loss of Josie.  
  



	6. (Not So) Simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote it a few times, ‘cause I wanted the medical case to be accurate as possible BUT I’m not a doctor so there might be some stuff that’s wrong and please, don’t call me out on that. With that being said, I hope you’re going to enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it!

A week.

It had already been a week and you still felt like it had happened yesterday. How pathetic. You should’ve been able to pull yourself together since then, but it didn’t seem like you would do that anytime soon.

Fortunately, you could take more shifts than always and that left you a bit more busy than which helped forget about the loss. Or, at least you weren’t able to think about that while in the OR or in the pit.

And you would never be able to cope with all of that without Sam. Cas called a meeting with all the surgeons to suggest that, if anyone needed a day or a few days off because of Josie’s death, it’d be taken care of. You knew he was thinking about you in particular, but you didn’t say a word, and he made you stay afterward, wanting to talk you into taking a break.

Sam was the one who saved your ass there. He promised Castiel that he would take care of you and make sure that you’re not overworking yourself, which wouldn’t be that bad of a plan, actually. And that’s exactly what he did. 

He would kick your ass when you wanted to stay after a 24hr shift, he would drive you home, just to be certain you wouldn’t come back when he would finish his shift. He made sure you ate and slept for as long as possible and that strengthened the bond between the two of you, because you didn’t feel like you were alone anymore.

If you weren’t able to go home, he would help you fall asleep in the on-call room if the shift wasn’t busy. He would lay down with you and hold you close, the warmth of his body helping you calm down and turn off your brain, so that you were able to get some rest.

Sam went from a stranger to a friend in no time, to be honest. He was with you every step of the way, no matter how hard it was, and you knew you could count on him, no matter what.

“You okay?” Sam’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you nodded furiously, clearing your throat.

“Yeah, what’s our plan?” You wondered, leaning back in your chair.

Sam turned to the computer and, after looking closer at the echocardiography and ultrasound images for a moment, he began, “I’m not sure. The heart is in not the best condition, but a lot of her other organs aren’t either.”

Getting up from the chair, you said, after leaning over his shoulder to take a look at the results as well, “So, what you’re saying is that if I start by taking care of the liver failure, her heart might not survive the anaesthesia.”

He ran his hand through his hair, “Yes, but if you don’t do that, her heart will stop anyway, those walls are barely holding together. And her liver’s shredded.”

“How about we take the stress off her heart and put her on the heart-lung machine?” You suggested, sitting on the desk.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of that,” he shook his head, “It could give me some time to repair the tear in the ventricle, then you would be able to take care of her liver. Just hope her heart will be able to hold on after such a procedure,” Sam said, worry clear in his voice. It wasn’t surprising, there was nothing more stressful than trying to repair someone who’s had so many organs failing, but you had to do your best.

You took a sip of the coffee that was left on the desk, hoping it would keep you awake for as long as possible. You should be able to come home after the surgery would be over, “I know, I’m not saying it will be easy. We should give it a shot anyway, I don’t see another option. And if anything goes wrong, I’ll jump right in.” You shot Sam a comforting smile and put a hand on his shoulder, to which he reacted with a smile on his own.

“Okay, it’s settled then. Let’s get going,” he got up and walked over to the door and you followed him, securing your hair with an elastic, so it wouldn’t get in the way.

“Who do you want to scrub in with?” You asked as you got inside the elevator, smiling at the nurses that were there.

“I was thinking, maybe Claire? We could use someone like her in the OR.” The door opened and you walked out to the pit, wanting to check on the patient one last time before the surgery and talk to the family.

Your gaze fell on the husband of the woman you were going to operate soon and you turned to him, Sam following your steps, “Not a bad idea.” You smiled, looking at Sam, and he grinned back at you.

Explaining the procedure to the woman’s husband took some time. It would be a complicated one and you both wanted him to understand it as well as possible, to avoid any confusion or stress. The situation he was in must’ve been stressful enough. After all, not every day your loved one ends up in a car accident.

When you were done, you went to the trauma three and checked the vitals yet again. She was stable, for now. You just hoped that she would stay stable long enough for the two of you to do your best.

After that, you paged Claire, and got out of the trauma room. She ran into the pit in no time, her blonde hair falling out of the braid. You waved her over and she walked closer to you, her breathing ragged.

“Yes, doctor Y/L/N, doctor Winchester?”

“You’re scrubbing in with me and doctor Winchester for a ventricle repair on a cardiopulmonary bypass, along with a liver repair,” you told her, her eyes lighting up with excitement as her gaze fell over the two of you.

Sam took over from there, “Prepare the patient, please, she’s in trauma three. Then get ready for the surgery once you’re done.”

She nodded furiously, “Of course,” and immediately followed your instructions.

“She’s going to do good,” Sam said, and you smiled, knowing that he was right.

Claire was one of the best interns that were on the surgery ward, her ability to think fast saved the lives of many patients already. You hoped that the patient would be stable enough to let the intern close her, or maybe even let her help with more than that. 

“True, let’s go,” You headed toward the elevator and slid inside right before it closed, having to stay pressed right against Sam as it was full of people. 

He raised his hand and wrapped it around your waist, as there was a risk he would elbow someone by an accident if he kept it upright, but the contact still made your heart race. You felt your cheeks heat up as you raised your head to look at him, his hazel eyes making you forget about the reality.

The loud ding of the elevator pulled you out of the dreamland and you got out, walking side by side.

Scrubbing in was quick and silent. There was no need to speak, you knew what you had to do, and you still had to brainstorm through all the possible complications. You hoped nothing bad would happen, but better safe than sorry. You always tried to be prepared for every option.

Everything was taken care of by the time you got in and you walked closer to the patient’s chest, agreeing to assist doctor Winchester with putting the patient on a heart-lung machine. Claire was right on your left, observing, as you both opened the patient’s chest and got to the heart itself.

It wasn’t difficult to remember how it all went, even though the last time you scrubbed in in such a procedure and took active part in placing the pump must had been when you were still a resident, still not sure which surgical specialty to choose. You had been torn between cardio, neuro and general, but had chosen general surgery in the end. It was like riding a bike, your memory actively providing you with what you should do next. It was refreshing, really, to do something different than you were used to.

Claire was holding the hooks and helped you with setting the retractor right, so you’d be able to get enough work space. You stepped away after the heart-lung machine started working, only observing the monitors, relieved with the fact that the patient seemed to be taking the procedure very well.

Sam was working thoroughly, yet as fast as possible, which was quite hypnotizing to watch. His cuts were precise, his fingers gentle as he was stitching the walls of the ventricle. It was mesmerizing, like magic. 

It was done before you knew it, Claire helping doctor Winchester with the pump removal. After it was over, you stretched your arms, taking place next to the patient’s abdomen. Taking the scalpel from the nurse, you pressed it against the skin of the abdomen and cut. The patient’s heart was beating soundly and, as you raised your gaze from the operating table, you saw Sam still standing next to the patient.

“You can go now, I got this.” You told him, but he shook his head no.

“No, I’ll stay until you’re done. She’s my patient too,” he retorted and you shrugged. If he wanted to watch you repair the liver, then sure. Not that it would be as interesting as what he’s been doing, but it seemed like you wouldn’t be able to convince him about that.

You were able to get most of the liver together, with the help of many stitches, but you had to cut out quite a big part that was just too damaged. It would only burden the rest, anyway. Sam was helping you a bit with suction, so you could focus on repairing only, and teaching your intern.

Once you were certain everything was prepared perfectly, you told Claire to get closer and walked her through the anastomosis that would connect the blood vessels that were earlier attached to the removed part with the functioning part of the liver. She followed your directions, overshadowing your ideas once in awhile, and that made you certain you both made the right choice with choosing her for that surgery.

After the anastomosis had been finished you helped her close up, telling her that she did a great job once everything was over and to say that she was beaming would be an understatement. You told her to go as you were done and she got out of the OR, everyone in the room glad that the surgery went smoothly. Sam had crinkles around his eyes as you walked to the scrub room, he must’ve been smiling widely at you.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I told you,” you sing-songed triumphantly as you threw the face mask into the trash bin.

“I never said you couldn’t do it, just wanted to watch,” He explained, taking off his surgical cap and letting his hair loose, then he shook his head like a wet dog.

You weren’t able to hold back a chuckle, he was such a dork. “Yeah, ‘cause that must’ve been fascinating.” You said sarcastically, washing your hands.

Sam scrunched his eyebrows in surprise, “Why do you think it wasn’t? You were perfect out there, you’re a great surgeon. What’s up?”

Sighing, you unlaced the surgical cap and put it into your scrubs’ pocket, “I’m not sure. I don’t know if it makes any sense, but it was nice to see something so different than my usual surgeries, you know?”

After drying your hands, Sam was the first to speak, “It definitely makes sense. And that’s one of the reasons I wanted to watch what you were going to do.”

“Really?” You let out, surprised, as you exited the scrub room together

“Really. I mean, I love this job, and saving lives is what keeps me going, but sometimes it gets boring. It’s mostly valve replacements and angiographies in cardio, heart transplant isn’t an everyday thing. And seeing something else is entertaining, that’s it,” he admitted and you nodded, finding that you agreed with everything that he had said.

You smiled as you saw Castiel passing you, a few patients’ charts in his hands, his hair dishevelled, his clothes a bit wrinkled. He waved at you with his free hand and you waved back, seeing him disappear in the elevator.

You admitted, “That’s exactly why I watched you.”

“Well, I’m happy I didn’t bore you to death,” he retorted, opening the door to the staircase for you.  
  
You walked inside and started rushing up the stairs, your steps echoing, “Far from it, actually. I’ve never seen someone so thorough, most of the heart stitches I’ve seen were a bit sloppy, but yours weren’t. That’s interesting.”

“I’m too thorough for my own good, actually, but thank you. Sometimes it’s better to be sloppy, but it depends on the situation, you know that,” Sam explained.

You walked toward the waiting room, the pit in a rush as always. You had to get this over with quickly, you were tired as hell. Hopefully, you’d be able to fall asleep without trouble once you would get home.

“True. Sometimes you don’t have the time for perfect stitches.” You agreed, putting hands in your pockets.

“Exactly.” He admitted, smiling.

You walked to inform the woman’s husband about the fact the the surgery went perfectly and he pulled you in for a hug before you had a chance to say anything. It always felt great, helping others and making people happy. You wouldn’t trade it for anything else, even though the job wasn’t easy at all.

After some more thank yous, Sam got back onto the cardiology ward and you ran to one of your patients on the internal ward; you got paged and it seemed to be an emergency. So much for getting home early.

There must’ve been something wrong if they used that code and you knew you had to act quick. Once you got there, the man was seizing on the bed, one of the interns, Ben, securing him so that he wouldn’t fall off, along with the help of a nurse.

“What’s going on?” You shouted, rushing to help them.

The man was admitted after falling down the stairs and, since there was no free beds in the ortho ward, he had been thrown under your wing, not that you minded. But nothing was supposed to happen, everything should be perfectly fine. You checked on him right before admitting the other woman.

“I don’t know, doctor Y/L/N. I was checking his lab results and, before I knew what was happening, the seizure started,” he explained quickly, but that didn’t help you in the slightest.

Fortunately, the seizing stopped, but you knew there must’ve been something wrong. The sooner you would find out what’s happening, the better.

“I need a neuro consult, page doctor-” You cut off, realizing you wanted to mention Josie again.

“Doctor Winchester, of course,” She filled in and you couldn’t help but be shocked. Sam was a cardiothoracic surgeon, he wouldn’t help with that more than you. She must’ve messed up names, that was the only reasonable explanation.

“No, the doctor that’s replacing doctor Sands. Sam Winchester is our new cardio,” you let out, still having trouble understanding what was going on.

She only smiled, nodding. “I know. But doctor Dean Winchester is our new neurosurgeon, I thought you knew that, doctor Y/N. He started the job today. He said he’s doctor Sam’s brother.”

Sam’s brother?

No way.


	7. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta’d so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> Again, I really hope that I’ve got everything right if it comes to medical stuff. Also, I can’t wait to hear your opinion on Dean in this one, let me know what you think ;)

“I-I see.” You let out, clearing your throat afterward. “In that case, please page our new doctor. I need a neuro consult right now.”

She nodded. “Of course, doctor Y/L/N.” 

At first, you glanced at all the vitals and, if you didn’t pay attention closely, you might’ve missed the fact the blood pressure was acting up.

Then, you stepped closer to the patient, taking a flashlight out of your pocket. When you lifted the man’s eyelid and shone light there, it shrunk evenly. The right pupil, however, didn’t shrink at all, it was fully dilated and fixed. Above that, the eyeball was a bit swollen.

Turning to Ben, you said, “Order a CT, now. It might be-”

Before you had a chance to say anything, someone cut you off. “A lot of things, since I don’t know patient’s history yet. But CT is a good idea, go and get it kid.”

Without saying a word, Ben scrambled to do as he was told and you were left in the room only with the owner of that confident voice.

As you turned around and your gaze fell on the man that came into the room, you couldn’t help but be surprised as you saw “Dr. Dean Winchester” embroidered into his scrubs.

You weren’t sure what to expect of him, really, so you put on a polite smile. After all, he might’ve gotten territorial over the patient. If the patient was showing neuro problems, the supervision over the man went over to doctor Winchester.

The corners of his lips twitched into a smile as he stepped closer to you, extending his hand toward you. “Dean Winchester, new neurosurgeon.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. General surgeon.” You shook his hand, then let go, turning your attention back to the patient. “He fell down the stairs, that’s the reason he was admitted to the hospital. My bet’s on a brain bleed or an aneurysm rupture, right side of the brain. Possibly occipital lobe.”

“Straight to the point, I like it,” he chuckled, but went to the other side of the patient and checked his pupils, nodding afterward. “Yeah, that’s about right, doctor Y/L/N. The eye looks swollen like there’s some kind of pressure on the optic nerve. Let’s take him to the CT.”

You couldn’t help but be surprised. “Just Y/N. You want me to go with you, doctor Winchester?”

He nodded, unlocking the wheels of the bed. “Okay. Just Dean, in that case. And I don’t see why not. You know about this patient more than I do, so I bet you’ll be able to help me out a lot here.”

You grabbed the side of the bed with one hand, the IV stand along with monitors in the other, and pushed the bed out of the room with Dean. “That makes sense. Want me to fill you in?” You suggested, and he nodded.

“Yes, go ahead.” Dean encouraged.

“Aright. He broke his leg, an open fracture. He had a surgery for that, doctor Singer put his leg back together. No illnesses in the family history, clean slate.” You recited, planting your feet firmly on the tiled floor as you came to stop in front of the elevator.

He nodded, focused. “No problems with blood coagulation or other things I should know about if it comes to a surgery?”

“No problems at all. No hemophilia, so it can’t be the cause here.” You explained, starting to push the bed into the elevator as the door opened. Then, you pushed the 0 button and took a look at the vitals again. The systolic pressure and diastolic pressure were growing apart further and that definitely wasn’t good.

Dean seemed to notice the same thing, his fingers thrumming against the edge of the bed in a nervous gesture. “That’s good. Hopefully, we’ll be able to repair the damage before it’s too late.”

You smiled softly. “Yes, that would be great.” A loud ding sounded in the small space and the door opened, allowing you to get out.

You picked up your pace, getting into the CT room as soon as possible. Once you were inside, you picked the patient up gently and put him on the bed. Then, you both got out of the room to the other one, turning on the machine and letting it do its job.

It took a bit until all the scans were taken, even though you settled for the least amount of images necessary, and it was clear that the cause of the seizure was a subdural brain bleed. He had to take care of it immediately and stop the bleeding; the surgery was a must. Your work there was done.

“Want me to page another neuro to help you out? You might need a second set of hands here, this bleed may be troublesome.” You suggested after calling the OR to prepare for a brain surgery, already wheeling the patient out of the CT room.

You didn’t expect what came out of Dean’s mouth a second later.

“I was actually thinking about asking you to scrub in, if you don’t mind?” He wondered, navigating you both so that you didn’t bump into other people as you were wheeling the bed out of the CT room and into the hallway.

“Me? Why?” You weren’t able to hide the surprise in your voice.

Fortunately, the ORs were on the same floor as the CT and X-ray, so it didn’t take you long to get to the OR they were preparing for Dean’s surgery.

“Well, you’re already here, aren’t you? I‘ve handled worse, but it’d be nice to have company. Just in case,” Dean said, shrugging. He opened the door and pushed the bed in with your help, leaving it to the nurses to prepare the patient as he told them in what position he wanted the patient to be in.

After that, he moved to the scrub room, and you followed him, standing right next to a sink. He fished a surgical cap out of his pocket and tied it, deep green emphasizing his eyes, then started preparing. “So, how’s it gonna be?”

Sighing, you started lacing the surgical cap on your head as well, even though you were tired as hell. But being tired was in the package every day and it was your patient at first, you had to stay. “I don’t think you need me here if you think you will handle it just fine, but of course.” You teased and Dean let out a chuckle.

The mask was next to go; putting it on was something you could do with your eyes closed.

“Alright. I’m confident to the point of annoying, but that’s part of the job. I bet you act the same way before a surgery, there’s no other way to do this, if you ask me.” He pushed the door to the OR open with his back and you followed suit, both of you letting the nurses dress you in sterile gowns.

“Depends. Too much confidence is always horrible for the patient, but without confidence I would never take the scalpel into my hand.” You let out, taking place on the left side of the patient when Dean took the right side.

He nodded, stretching his arms out. “Exactly. As I said, being confident is a must. Are you ready?” he asked, excitement clear in his voice.

“I am. Is it your first surgery in this hospital?” you wondered, letting the nurse put the neurological flashlight on your head.

“Yes, so let’s make it a good one. Scalpel, please,” 

Patient’s head was already shaved and it was up to you to do the rest. First, cutting an appropriate amount of skin to get to the skull bones. Once that was done, he took a bone drill and cut a section of bone away from the skull, then handed it to you.

You placed it in sterile environment, because you would have to put it back later, then immediately went back to the table.

Dean truly had everything under control and, as much as you were eager to do something, you didn’t have to. The bleeding was quite easy to locate; repairing the vessel that had burst and cauterization was enough to take care of it. 

Considering you weren’t busy, you had time to observe how Dean operated. He was concentrated to the point he rarely spoke, and he closed his eyes quite often, in between steps. It seemed like he might’ve been trying to imagine what he was going to do and how he was going to do it; it was truly fascinating to watch.

You were different. You had to look at what you were going to operate first and then you would figure all on the go, but he seemed to do the complete opposite. Dean was collected, calm, and patient while doing the procedure; the way people were performing operations was telling a lot about them, and you surely found out a lot about Dean when being in his OR.

After making sure that there were no other injuries, you were ready to close up.

Small metal plates were the safest way to go; at least that’s what Dean thought and it wasn’t your job to correct him or come up with a different way. He knew what he was doing for certain.

You assisted with drilling in holes, then with putting in screws that would help hold the plates in place. After that, covering the bone with skin and suturing it seemed like a boring task almost. 

When you walked out, back to the scrub room, leaving it to the nurses to take the patient back to the post-op, Dean nudged you with his elbow, his eyebrows raised. “So, how did I do?”

“What?” you let out, putting a hand on your mouth as you yawned, even though you still had the mask on. Well, there’s no escaping the power of a habit.

Dean rolled his eyes. “You were observing, watching what I was doing and how. Kinda creepy, but I get it. I’m new, you want to find out what you’re dealing with.”

You couldn’t help but blush a bit. Was it that obvious?

“Fine, you’re right. And sorry for that.” He seemed a bit surprised as you said that “I’m sure the Chief wouldn’t hire you if he weren’t sure you were the right person for this position.” You smiled apologetically after taking off your mask and he flashed you a grin.

“It’s fine. I bet I would act the same if I were you, no biggie.” Dean admitted, washing his hands. “Also, as long as the bleeding doesn’t happen again his brain should be in top shape.

“Let’s hope it won’t. Great job, by the way. Took much less time than I thought it would.” You hid the surgical cap in your pocket, then rolled your shoulders. You shouldn’t have been slouching them; it always made your back hurt like a bitch.

“Seems like I didn’t disappoint then.” He beamed and you smiled. “So, you up for grabbing something to eat? I’m only here for a bit, but I’m already starving. Besides, I could use someone to fill me in on the hospital gossip.” Dean winked at you and you couldn’t help but laugh.

You felt horrible for denying, but you could barely keep your eyes open at that point. “Sorry, but I was supposed to go off the shift-” you glanced at your watch as you put it back on your hand, your mouth falling agape at what you saw. “Shit, 2 hours ago. And it was a 24 hour shift, so maybe another time? I’m beat.”

He smiled at you again, nodding. “Yeah, sure. See you-”

“Tomorrow.” You cut him off. “I mean, I’m coming back for a shift tomorrow, so if you’ll be there, we can go and grab that bite.”

Dean opened the door for you, a wide grin on his face. “Well, I just started a 24, so I’ll be here until tomorrow night.”

“Great!” You let out, stopping in your tracks as you got close to the stairs. “Sorry, I have to go. And thanks for inviting me in for your surgery, it’s been nice to see that.”

“No problem, sweetheart. Glad you said yes,” he said simply, running a hand through his hair, and you couldn’t help but blush.

You grabbed the door handle, and slowly pushed the door open, turning your head a bit to look at Dean last time before going. “Sure. See you tomorrow, Dean.”

“See you tomorrow, Y/N.” He mock-saluted you, making you smile yet again, and turned on his heel, heading toward the elevator.

You closed the door behind you as you went onto the staircase, your steps echoing loudly as you were going up to the surgeons’ room. 

You didn’t bother changing from scrubs into casual clothes as you got inside the room, just grabbed everything you had to take home. Then, you exited the room, took the elevator, and got out of the hospital, pushing yourself to walk as fast as possible to your car, even though you were exhausted. But, you were impatient to get home, eat something, and get some sleep, and the sooner you would get there, the better.


	8. Explosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta’d so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> Yes, I got a bit carried away, whoops! Really hope you’re going to like it, and, again, I tried to get the medical stuff as correct as possible, but, you know.

Seemed like no matter how many hours of sleep you got, you were always exhausted, but who were you to complain if you were able to work as a surgeon?

That morning the traffic was horrible, and you couldn’t be happier that you managed to drag yourself out of your apartment a bit earlier. That should hopefully prevent you from being late to work, if you were lucky.

You were furious with how slow the cars were moving, but when you heard an explosion and saw fire burning in a distance, you froze. You stopped your car immediately and pulled the handbrake, then got out of the car, running in the direction of the explosion.

The smell of gasoline was heavy in the air, the smoke making your eyes water, but if there had been an explosion, it meant that people had gotten hurt and you should help. Weaving in between the cars, you picked up your pace, thanking whoever was up there that you had decided to wear sneakers to work. You jumped at the sound of a few more explosions, a bit smaller than the first one, but there was no going back anymore. It was your duty to help and that’s exactly what you were going to do.

The screams of people were getting louder and louder with your every step and you froze in spot when you saw a giant crater in the middle of the road and the remnants of the tank  burning, the flames going high in the air.

Fantastic.

You ran to the first person you saw lying on the ground and crouched down, grabbing their wrist to feel the pulse. When you didn’t feel anything, you laid your fingers on their neck artery and prayed you would feel something, anything there.

Didn’t seem like you had luck that time.

Biting your lip, you moved away from the body and walked to someone else, doing the same thing. This time you were lucky and the pulse was there. Faint, but definitely there.

Fishing your phone out of your pocket, you called 911, anxiously waiting for someone to answer your call.

“911, where is your emergency?” the voice in the speaker sounded and you cleared your throat.

“There’s been a gasoline tank explosion. We’re on the road 670, near the Kansas river,” you answered, your other hand still feeling the pulse of the woman.

“Gasoline tank explosion, road 670, near Kansas river.” The woman repeated.

“Yes, exactly.” You confirmed.

“Are you able to estimate how many people got hurt, please?” the dispatcher asked.

Shaking your head, you said. “It’s impossible, too many to count.” You looked around, adding. “There are lots of burns for certain and it seems like some of the people have metal parts of the tank stuck in their bodies.”

The line was silent for a moment, then the woman spoke again. “I’m sending as many units as there are available. Are you trained in first aid, ma’am?” she asked and you nodded, even though you couldn’t see her.

“Yes, doctor Y/N Y/L/N here, the head of General Surgery in Kansas General Hospital. I know what to do, but I have no equipment with me, so I’ll be waiting for you.” You explained, taking a deep breath.

“Of course, doctor Y/L/N. I just got a confirmation about your working status and you’re free to act in the field as you see fit.”

You breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, hope to see the team shortly.”

“Of course, they’re on their way. I’ll hang up now, good luck,” she said and the call ended, so you hid your phone back in your pocket and looked around, overwhelmed with the scale of the tragedy.

You felt the pulse faint, then disappear under your touch, and you started the chest compressions, counting under your breath. After the first round, you checked the pulse on the neck again, finding nothing there. Another round; it was still nothing, and you checked the patency of the airway, finding that nothing was blocking the flow of the air.

You leaned against the woman’s face, trying to feel the breathing, but you felt nothing against your skin. Pinching the nose, you covered the woman’s mouth with yours and blowed one breath in, seeing the chest rise. You repeated that step, then moved back to the chest.

You began the compressions again, pressing the chest in an even rhythm, your knees digging into the mud underneath you and making it more difficult for you to keep your position. A few series of compressions and breaths later, you checked the pulse and breathing again, finding nothing at all.

It couldn’t be more difficult to get up and label the woman as dead in your head, but you had to give the other people a chance. They needed you more than she did.

* * *

Before you knew it, a ton of sirens sounded around you as you kept checking the victim’s vitals. So far, there was nothing, and you couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that so many people had already died. You needed a win from this one or your mind would go to the dark places again and remind you of Josie.

You stopped next to a man laying on the ground, a sheet of metal from the tank jabbed into his stomach. Parts of his hands were burned, as well as a major part of his chest, and his head seemed to be bleeding as well. You grabbed his wrist without much hope for feeling the pulse, but after waiting for a moment, it was there.

“Sir, do you hear me?” you shook his hand gently and he opened his eyes abruptly, letting out a shout.

Your hands moved on their own accord to stabilize the metal in the wound and he groaned in pain, his terrified gaze locking with yours. “Oh my God!” he let out and you put on a smile, trying not to break out in front of him.

“Sir, I need you to focus on my voice, alright? My name’s Y/N, I’m a doctor,  and I’m waiting with you for an ambulance, they’re already here,” you said, pressing the skin around the wound even tighter, not wanting to risk the metal moving.

Someone tapped you on the arm suddenly and you turned your head, coming face to face with Jo. “Y/N?” she asked and you smiled, nodding.

“Hey Jo. I need some help here, so, do what you do best.” You suggested and she nodded, crouching closer to the man’s face.

“Sir, can you hear me?” she asked the man and he gave her a barely-there nod as she unzipped the bag she had with herself. “Alright, good. Do you know what happened?” she took the peripheral venous catheter in her glove-clad hands and began placing it in the vein of the hand that was less burnt than the other.

The man shook his head. “N-no, I don’t. What happened?”

“There was a tank explosion and you got hurt. We’re going to get you to the hospital as soon as possible.” She explained, stabilising the catheter with the adhesives, then waved someone over.

“Okay.” The man agreed and you shot him a smile, noticing with satisfaction that the compression helped stop the bleeding.

Ash came into your point of vision with stretchers and laid them next to the man, taking the position right next to you. He gestured for you to move to the left, while still holding the piece of metal, and you obliged, your sneakers sinking in the mud underneath. Sliding his hands under the man’s body, Ash managed to move him, along with Jo’s assistance.

Then, they told you to let go off the man’s abdomen and stabilised the piece of metal with bandages, so it wouldn’t move and increase the risk of internal injuries that were probably there.

“You’ll be just fine.” Ash said to the man as he and Jo strapped the man to the stretchers and you got up from the ground, brushing the hair away from your face.

“I’m going to get to my car and drive to the hospital, since all the teams are here,” you said and they both nodded, picking the stretchers up from the ground. “Keep me posted about this patient, I’ll take care of him once he’s there.”

Jo shot you a smile once you walked with them to the ambulance. “Sure, I’ll let the pit know this one’s under your supervision.”

“Thanks.” You turned around and began running to your car, knowing that you were needed at the hospital and you should get there as soon as possible.

* * *

You managed to find a shortcut as you backed your car out of the road the accident had happened on. You were in the hospital in no time, everyone running around in frenzy as you entered the pit.

The room was filled with people shouting and screaming in pain, nurses, doctors and interns trying their best to assess all the injuries and get the wounded the help they deserved. You nodded hello at Claire, Ben, Alex and Krissy as they passed you and ran to the stairs, wanting to get changed as soon as you could.

When you opened the door, you saw Sam inside, changing from one pair of scrubs to the other.

“Hey,” you said, and he turned his attention to you, his bare chest on display as he was about to put on the top part of the scrubs.

Your brain short circuited a bit at the sight, seeing all the muscles flex and move as he took in a breath. “Hey! The pit’s a complete mess and they’re calling everyone for help. Do you know what happened?” Sam asked as he put the top part of the scrubs on and you nodded, shedding your jacket.

“There was a gasoline tank explosion as I was going to work. Let me tell you, I’ve never seen something like that.” You explained, and Sam raised his eyebrows in shock.

You took off your shirt, and pulled on the scrubs quickly, finding Sam blushing as he turned his gaze away from you. “Sorry, I will-”

You cut him off, taking off your jeans quickly. “Don’t worry about it. You’re a doctor, it’s not like you haven’t seen a woman’s body before.”

“True, but I can turn around if you want me to.” Sam suggested and you rolled your eyes at him, putting on the bottom part of your scrubs.

“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry.” You assured him and he gave you a shy smile. He put his hair in a bun and you followed suit, getting your hair out of your face, at least for now.

Sam changed his shoes and you did the same, throwing your muddy sneakers into your locker with a loud thud. “And what happened to that patient you got called to yesterday?” he asked, tying his shoelaces.

“Epilepsy attack. Turned out to be a brain bleed from the fall, Dean took care of it.” You explained as you both went out of the doctors’ room and Sam’s forehead scrunched.

After he opened you the door to the staircase, he asked, “Dean? What Dean?”

“Winchester. Dean Winchester, your brother,” you said simply, not understanding why he even asked in the first place. Shouldn’t he know that his brother had started working there?

“What?” Sam let out as you were running down the stairs and you glanced at him, seeing pure confusion on his face.

“Dean’s first day here was yesterday, he’s the new neurosurgeon. He’s been hired as a new head of the neurosurgery, instead of… Instead of Josie.” You stuttered out and Sam froze in place, shaking his head. “Hey, what’s going on?” you asked but he waved you away.

After a moment, he turned your attention to you. “I see. And nothing’s going on, everything’s perfect.” Sam let out, his voice laced with venom, and went out of the staircase and onto the corridor.

You ran out after him, grabbing his hand to stop him and he turned around abruptly, his jaw clenched. “Sam, I can see something’s wrong. You know you can tell me everything, right?”

He nodded at you, a sad smile on his face. “I know, but it’s nothing you should burden yourself with. Don’t worry about it, okay?” You opened your mouth to say something, but Sam spoke again. “I mean it, Y/N. You have enough problems of your own.”

“Okay, but I’m here if you need me.” You repeated and Sam nodded at that.

“I know. You’re my only friend here and it’s not like I’ll be willing to talk about this with someone other than you, but I need to solve this by myself. Family drama, alright?” he began walking toward the pit and you followed suit.

“Sure. Hope you’ll be able to work it out somehow.” You patted his shoulder as you entered the pit.

Sam laid his hand on yours for a moment and you felt yourself blush a bit at the gentle touch. “I hope so too. Let’s go.”

You let go off his shoulder as he let go off your hand and you spotted Jo and Ash wheeling in another wounded. “Hey, you know where’s my patient?” you asked her and she turned her attention to you.

“Trauma four, unless they’ve moved him. His name’s Richard, that’s what Dean got out of him,” she answered as Ash reported the patient’s vitals and the situation to Claire.

“Thanks, Jo!” you shot her a smile and turned around to walk to trauma four.

When you opened the door, you saw Castiel and Dean inside, and they looked at you when you entered. Castiel seemed to be checking the burns, assessing with which ones he should start at first. “How is my patient doing?” you asked, walking closer to the man.

“Your patient?” Dean teased and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Yes, my patient. Or, at least this piece of metal will be mine to take care of.” You whispered, gesturing to the patient’s abdomen, and Dean laughed, checking the cranial nerve response.

“Then it seems like we’ll be working together really quick, ‘cause I think there might be a brain bleed happening, but it’s not like we can take an MRI to check it out,” he said and you nodded, realizing he’d have to go in blind, which wouldn’t be easy at all.

In that moment, you saw the patient lose consciousness and you rushed forward to help the best you could. The saturation dropped rapidly, and one of the nurses started ventilating.

Before you had the chance to try to determine the reason behind such situation, the patient flatlined, making Dean jump forward to start CPR. “What the hell? Did he show any symptoms?” you let out, checking if the piece of metal moved, but it sat in the same place as you left it.

“Not that I know of. Damn, cardiac arrest is the last thing we need right now.” Dean gritted out through clenched teeth, letting the nurse ventilate the patient, then he got back to compressing the chest.

“Want me to page cardio?” you asked and he gave you a nod, so you took out your pager and passed the information to Sam, hoping he would come quickly.

Before you knew it, the door opened and Sam got inside the trauma room, his eyes narrowing at the sight of Dean. “You paged me, Y/N? What’s going on?”

“Cardiac arrest for no reason whatsoever. Will you lend me a hand here, Sammy?” Dean asked, continuing compressions.

“It’s Sam. And, well, what do you know?” Sam wondered, putting on new gloves.

You stepped to the side as Sam walked closer to Dean and you swore the tension was palpable between them as they glanced at each other. “Not much. His vitals were fine, left pupil doesn’t shrink so I’m betting my ass on a brain bleed. Other than those burns and a giant piece of metal in his skin, I’ve got nothing.” Then, the patient’s heart started working again and you all sighed in relief.

“Could be a stress-induced trauma or a normal occurrence because of his age. I would go with putting in an implantable cardioverter defibrillator if it’s the latter, but I need an electrocardiogram first.” Sam explained and Dean stepped back, stretching out his hands.

“Go ahead. And get on with it quickly, ‘cause I need to open his skull as fast as possible, something’s not right.” Dean ordered and Sam shook his head at that. “What?”

Sam took the electrocardiograph machine and walked closer to the patient, putting the electrodes on the patient’s chest. “Nothing. Just, bossy as always.”

“What about the burns? And the piece of metal?” you asked, interrupting them both.

“Cas, can you take care of the burns at the same time as I would be putting in the defibrillator?” Sam wondered, watching the machine printing the electrocardiogram.

Castiel nodded. “Yes. It shouldn’t be difficult, but I would need one of the interns for help.”

“I’ll page Krissy. When you’re done with this, I’ll jump in with Dean, and we’re going to take care of the rest. How does that sound?” you asked and found Dean nodding, seemingly impressed.

“Sounds good,” Dean agreed and you paged Krissy as Sam took a look at the electrocardiograms, while Cas kept working on the burns.

After a few minutes, Sam nodded, raising his gaze from the results of the electrocardiogram. “Yeah, seems like the defibrillator is the way to go. We’ll page you guys when we’re done or if something goes south. Okay?”

“Sure. We’ll help with other patients in the meanwhile,” you said and Krissy entered the trauma four as you headed toward the door.

“You paged me, doctor Y/L/N,” she said and you nodded, gesturing to Castiel.

“Yes. You’re going to help doctor Novak with cleaning the burns while doctor Winchester will be performing a defibrillator installment,” you explained and a look of concentration appeared on her face immediately.

Dean was by your side in an instant and you jumped slightly as you felt his hand on your shoulder, but the touch was gone before you knew it. “Exactly. Good luck, kiddo,” he patted Krissy on the arm and you both exited the trauma, walking side by side.

“Doctor Y/L/N?” Claire called you  and you walked closer to her and the patient she had on the bed.

“Yes? Do you need anything?” you asked, shooting her a smile.

She nodded and the woman she was staying next to turned her gaze to you. “A consult would be great.”

“My name’s Y/N Y/L/N,” you said, extending your hand toward the lady and she took it, giving it a firm shake, then let go off your hold. “What’s the matter?”

“Just a routine consult. Mrs. Newman has unspecified inflammatory bowel disease and I was wondering if there was any way we could try to diagnose it again?” Claire wondered and you couldn’t help but smile.

You brushed the hair away from your face. “Are you going through a flare? I mean, are the symptoms worse?” you asked the woman and she nodded.

“Yes, they’ve started to worsen a month ago, but I thought it would go away. It didn’t, unfortunately.” She explained, wincing, and folded her hands on her stomach.

“Blood? Pain in the abdomen? Vomiting?” you recited.

“All of them, yes,” the woman admitted, her gaze locked with yours

You gave her a smile. “Alright. Let’s get you admitted to the ward. Claire, fill out all the paperwork, but first transport Mrs. Newman to the gastroenterology ward and tell the doctors what you know.”

“Of course. Thank you, doctor Y/L/N,” Claire said and you smiled again, turning around and finding Dean looking at you while he was passing some papers to Ben.

He gave you a smile and you walked toward him, crossing your arms in front of you. He furrowed his brows at that. Without a word, you grabbed his arm and walked to the storage room, pushing him inside, then going inside after him.

You closed the door and raised your eyebrows. “What’s the deal with you and Sam?” you asked, and Dean shook his head.

“I thought you would ask about that. Well, it’s difficult-”

You cut him off. “Just promise me one thing and I won’t ask anymore. I don’t even want to know, it’s not my business. But Sam’s my friend and I don’t want to see you stressing him out or anything. Whatever it is that’s between you two, you should solve it. Alright?”

Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll do my best, okay? But Sammy’s a stubborn son of a bitch and it might not be easy, just so you know.”

“Fair enough,” you said, stepping back to the door, and you opened it wide, gesturing for Dean to get out of the storage room.

As you exited the storage room after Dean, you couldn’t help but hope they would work out their issues. It wouldn’t be pleasant for either of them to work with the other one while being in a fight, that much you knew.


	9. Just Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta’d so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> This one is a bit shorter, but that was completely intentional ;) Hope you’re going to like this one!

The time was passing fast with all the running from one patient to another and trying to help as many as possible. There were lots of burns, as expected, much more foreign objects in the skin and all sorts of other things that you hadn’t even expected would be connected to an explosion. But, you had to deal with it nonetheless. 

You and Dean fell into an easy rhythm as you worked together, splitting the duties between yourself evenly and helping each other with diagnoses if something didn’t add up. You had to admit that you enjoyed his company and working by his side, nearly as much as Sam’s company and working with him.

With the assistance of doctor Singer and the few interns you were able to take care of most of the patients, delegating them onto correct wards and assigning proper procedures and examinations. The rush of adrenaline was a familiar feeling as you were working on all of that under the pressure of time. You wouldn’t lie if you were to say that you could be addicted to that rush, but you had enough of that in your job, so there was nothing wrong about that.

It didn’t take long and you got paged to the OR, with an information that your and Dean’s patient was waiting for you to come. Dean stayed behind for a moment, explaining to the interns how to handle another patient that had came in and you began walking alone, taking the stairs to get to the OR as fast as possible.

You got into the scrub room and took a deep breath, starting to go through all possible scenarios and steps in your head. You laced your surgical cap on, then added a mask to that, and began scrubbing your hands fast and thorough, your gaze wandering toward the patient prepared on the table. Seemed like inserting a defibrillator went good, all the vitals were decent, and you couldn’t wait to figure out how you were going to get that chunk of metal out of the patient’s abdomen. That would take some brainstorming, but you were already working on that.

Your gaze locked with Sam after he stopped talking to one of the nurses and he entered the scrub room, letting out a sigh.

“I take it went good.” You stated, letting the water drip from your elbows and into the sink.

Sam nodded, leaning against the wall. “Surprisingly, yes. And he was quite stable throughout the whole procedure, I was afraid it would be way worse.”

“Let’s hope it’s going to stay this way.” You smiled, starting to dry off your arms.

“True, will be easier for you guys to fix everything else,” Sam said, unlacing the mask he had on.

There was a moment of silence before you spoke, “About that… Sam, I don’t mean to be nosy and it’s really not my business, but I have a feeling that you should talk to Dean. It might fix whatever’s wrong between you two.”

“It’s not that easy,” Sam whispered, shaking his head. “I honestly don’t know how would I even start this conversation. I still don’t know why he’s here, I have no clue why he left Dad’s hospital, he didn’t tell me anything...” he trailed off, taking off his surgical cap. 

“Then ask him, just to feed your curiosity. I’m sure he’ll explain it to you the best he can, there must be a good reason for all of that.” You encouraged, a soft smile on your face. “And if it doesn’t work out, you’ll at least know that you tried. You won’t feel bad about not doing anything.”

Before Sam had the chance to say anything, the door opened and Dean walked in. Sam shot you a smile that was more of a grimace and tossed the mask to the trashcan, starting to walk out. “You’re right, but I have to think about it first. Good luck, see you after you’re done.”

“Sam…” you started, but he had already closed the door behind himself, leaving you and Dean alone.

You closed your eyes for a moment, trying to put yourself together so you wouldn’t have to explain to Dean what the two of you had been talking about right before he had gotten inside. When you opened them, Dean was right beside you, in front of another sink, his gaze lowered a bit, like he was ashamed that Sam had left because of him.

“Damn, I’ve got no clue how to work all this crap out.” He admitted, putting on his surgical cap and throwing on the mask. Dean started scrubbing in, the water hitting the metal sink the only sound in the room. 

For a moment you had no idea what to say. Was he asking you for advice? Did he want you to say what you were thinking about it? Or maybe he just wanted to confide in someone?

“Well, a good old talk would probably do the trick.” You suggested, shrugging, but Dean shook his head slowly.

Smiling sadly, he said, “I’m not sure if that’s going to be enough.”

“You should try, at least. I don’t know what’s the reason for all of that, but you have to start somewhere if you want it to go back to normal.” You insisted.

“I don’t know if it’s possible for me and him to get back to normal, you know?” Dean admitted as you both finished scrubbing in and entered the OR, starting to get dressed in the sterile gowns.

When you were ready to move on, you wondered out loud, “Maybe there will be a different normal for you and Sam after you work your things out?”

“I hope you’re right,” Dean said and walked to the table the patient was lying on, and you followed suit, taking place next to the patient’s abdomen. “You ready?” he asked and you gave him a nod, the crinkles around his eyes appearing as he smiled at you.

“Scalpel please,” you asked and you both started working, hoping that an operation right after an operation wouldn’t be too much for the patient.

***

Time always went by fast in an OR, even more so when you had to focus more than usually, knowing that the procedure wasn’t one of an usual kind, and you were done before you knew it.

Dean had managed to tame the bleeding and remove all the cracked elements of the skull without inducing further injuries of the brain. There had been no telling if everything had gone perfectly until the patient would wake up, though, so you would have to wait with celebrating the victory.

Removing the chunk of metal from the patient had been tricky as well, but it worked out, fortunately. You had no choice but to remove the spleen and one of the kidneys, however, because they were just too damaged to try fixing them. That you could already mark as a success and you couldn’t hold back a wide smile.

When you got back to the scrub room, you turned your attention to Dean and cleared your throat. When he looked at you, you said, “It’s the last time I’m saying anything, I promise, but don’t wait any longer to talk to Sam. Just give it a try, alright?”

Dean shot you a smile when he took off the mask. “Fine, I’ll give it a shot as soon as I find him. Just, wish me luck, maybe?”

“Yeah, good luck,” you said, and he patted you gently on the shoulder when he turned to get out of the scrub room. Before he went out of the room, he casted a look at you over his shoulder, his gaze finding yours.

“So, we’ll get that lunch some other day?” Dean asked and you nodded without a second thought.

“Sure, I need to fill you in with all the gossip,” you joked, making Dean chuckle.

Dean gave you a nod afterward, the corners of his lips stretched into a grin. “Can’t wait for that. See you later, Y/N.”

“Yeah, see you later,” you said and Dean got out of the room, the door closing behind him.

The only thing you could do was hope that a conversation would be enough for them to work everything out.


	10. Time To Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta’d so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> This one’s from Sam’s POV, so I really hope you’re going to enjoy a bit of a different perspective. Let me know what you think! (And I think we’re slowly nearing the end of this series, guys!)

I rushed away from the ORs, shooting smiles to all the people on my way. As much as I wanted to punch something or go somewhere and yell as loudly as it was in my power, I decided to get back onto Cardiology Ward and check on my patients.

Maybe I was too harsh to Dean. After all, I didn’t know anything about what had happened after I had ran away, but was it really a good idea to talk to him?

The elevator opened right when I went around the corner, but before I had the chance to make a run for it, someone grabbed me firmly by my shoulder, stopping me.

“Sam, can we please talk?” I turned around, shaking Dean’s hand off, and was surprised to see that it wasn’t some kind of a joke.

It really seemed like he wanted to talk, looking at me with that expression I knew so well, and I was stunned to silence. I had no idea what to say, if I should agree or not, given how I had treated him since he had arrived to Kansas General. Besides, what could he want from me if he had been one of the reasons I had gotten away from the family business?

“What do you want to talk about?” I crossed my arms in front of my body like a shield, eyeing Dean warily.

He lowered his gaze at the question, rhythmically tapping his fingers against the waistband of his scrubs. “Everything. I want to explain why I’m here and apologize for all the crap you’ve been forced to go through because of me.”

I didn’t know what to say, that was the last thing I expected to hear.

“What?” I blinked a few times, expecting the scene in front of me to fade away like a dream.

God knew how many times I had dreamt of finally making peace with my brother only to wake up and realize he had chosen Dad over me.

“Let’s go to the cafeteria, how does that sound?” Dean suggested, an awkward smile on his face as he shifted the weight of his body from one foot to the other. “The lunch’s on me.”

I smiled involuntarily and nodded before the other part of my mind had the chance to talk me out of that idea. “Okay, let’s go.”

Maybe Y/N had been right and I should give Dean a chance to explain himself before I was going to do something I would regret? A conversation should do no harm.

We walked side by side to the stairs, keeping a bit of the distance between our bodies. I couldn’t believe how awkward it felt to keep going in silence, my mind drifting back to all the night calls during our residency that we had spent together, having the time of our lives, without even saying a word.

I hadn’t wanted the things to change, but what else had I been supposed to do, other than get away from the past?

The cafeteria was filled with dozens of people and we weaved our way through the crowd, saying greetings to everyone that looked even remotely familiar. Dean walked to the counter and ordered lunch for both me and him, making me smile when he handed me my favorite combination.

Clutching tightly big salad and green smoothie, I walked to one of the empty tables, sitting on the chair right opposite to Dean. He set the sandwich and a can of soda in front of him, meeting my gaze when I crossed my legs.

“Remember when you said to me that you didn’t want me to bribe you to go back?” Dean began hesitantly and I nodded, taking a sip of the smoothie.

“Yeah, I do. And you said that it wasn’t the reason you came here in the first place,” I said, having no trouble remembering our first conversation after I had realized Dean had become a new neurosurgeon at this hospital. “What was the reason you’re here, in that case? Why did you say to me that you couldn’t believe I was leaving when I came to the hospital to say goodbye to you?”

Dean ran his hand through his hair, focusing on unwrapping his sandwich afterward. “Dad was pissed when you left, you know?” he started and I shook my head. Of course he had been, he had only wanted me to be the obedient little son like Dean had been. “But, after a few days, I understood why you did that. You were the chief of Cardio in our hospital, but you honestly had no room for yourself. Dad controlled your every decision and kept manipulating you the way he saw fit and, as soon as you got away, he started doing it to me.” Dean admitted, letting out a dry chuckle.

I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face. “He did? You’ve got to be joking, I can’t see you agreeing to be manipulated, not even by Dad.”

“Not joking at all, Sammy.” I saw a flash of uncertainty on his face when the nickname slipped from his mouth, but I didn’t react to it in the slightest. “There was nothing I could do without getting an okay from his first. Whenever I wanted to decide about something, he would be there a minute later, trying to manipulate me into another choice, not giving a damn about the fact that I knew better. He’s only a general surgeon, for God’s sake, not a know-it-all.”

I nodded, remembering how useless and undervalued I felt whenever that had happened to me. After all those years of being shuffled around and commanded what to do and how to do it, I had gotten away, and Dean had only realized how big of a pain in the ass Dad had been when he had started to do the same to him.

Why hadn’t he realized that earlier?

I cleared my throat, jabbing my fork into a piece of chicken in the salad. “That’s the summary of my whole career, Dean. Dad treating me like a trophy and showing me around to everyone as the perfect son, but controlling behind the closed doors.”

“I know, and the first thing I’m sorry for is the fact that I didn’t notice it earlier. I should’ve talked to him about you and tell him to cut this whole crap, but I thought you were just bitching or something,” Dean explained, opening the can of soda. “I’m sorry, little brother.” He repeated, his gaze locking with me.

“Apology accepted, at least about that part,” I said, popping the piece of chicken into my mouth and washing it down with a sip of the smoothie. “But that doesn’t explain why you were such an ass when I decided to leave. And it doesn’t say anything as to why you’re here, following me like a lost puppy.”

Dean laughed at that comparison, shaking his head. “Always straight to the point, at least that haven’t changed.” He bit into the sandwich and chewed slowly, giving me some time to eat more of the salad. Who knew how much time we had to talk, though, they could paige us at any minute. “I didn’t want you to leave. I know it’s selfish and horrible, but you were the only person in that hospital that I could open my mouth to. You know how they treated us both.”

“Yeah, they thought that we only got the job because our father was the Chief. So, what, you were so pissed at me that the emotions took over and you unloaded your anger on me, basically?” I asked, taking another sip of the smoothie.

“Exactly. I was a dumb son of a bitch.” He shrugged and I laughed, realizing he couldn’t be more right, but, also, because I didn’t have it in me to be mad at him that badly anymore. “And as for following you like a lost puppy…” He cut off, biting on his lip.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, what about that?”

“I’m going to sound like such a sap, but I missed you, man. Nothing was the same anymore without my little brother being a constant pain in my ass.” Dean admitted and I couldn’t hide the grin on my face, even if I wanted to.

“Really? What about Lisa?” I pressed, my mind supplying me with the fact that they had been dating before I had left. “You just left her without a word?”

Dean’s mouth went agape at the accusation. “Gosh, Sammy, of course I haven’t. Who do you think I am?” He ran his hand through his hair. “You know what, don’t answer. Me and Lisa? It was nice while it lasted, but she wasn’t the one and we both knew it.”

“So, what happened?” I pushed more salad into his mouth, finding that it tasted rather good.

Maybe the food in the cafeterias wasn’t always crappy?

“We went out a few days after you left and just talked. She said that she loved me, and knew that I loved her too, but didn’t feel that spark anymore or whatever the hell she was supposed to feel.” Dean explained, leaning back in his chair. “I said the same thing and we broke up on good terms, stayed friends and all that stuff.”

Nodding, I said, “That’s good, even though kind of unexpected.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Dean chuckled, scratching the nape of his neck. “So, are we good?”

There was no hesitation as I spoke. “Yeah, I think we are. Not perfectly, but we’ll get there.”

I really meant that.

The smile which lit up his face made me smile, too. “Couldn’t hear anything better today, I swear. I owe Y/N now, though,” he said and my forehead scrunched in confusion.

“What do you mean?” I took another sip of the smoothie, realizing there wasn’t much of it left.

“She said I should talk to you so we could work through all the crap. I probably wouldn’t do that if it weren’t for her nagging.” Dean chuckled, taking another bite of his sandwich.

I shook my head, the corners of my lips twitching into a smirk. “She told me I should at least give you a chance to say what you wanted to say. Guess she’s the reason we talked, after all.”

“Seems like it. Badass surgeon, awesome person, not to mention gorgeous as hell.” Dean remarked, his dreamy expression stirring something deep inside of me.

“Dude, come on.” I scolded, finishing up my salad.

He looked at me, squinting, and before I had the chance to say something, he pointed his finger at me. “Damn it. You like her!”

“Of course I do, she’s my best friend here.” I rolled my eyes, desperately trying to ignore the way my cheeks were heating up the more I thought of her.

She wasn’t only smart, and fierce when it came to keeping people alive, but also beautiful, and funny whenever she had the occasion to crack a joke. I had grown close to her throughout those few weeks and there was no denying that my mind had long crossed the line between her being a friend and a girlfriend.

For me, she was already something in between.

I would love for her to become more than a friend, but I didn’t think she wanted that to happen. We were spending a lot of time together, as much as our schedules allowed, and, right after Josie’s death, we had been inseparable, but that didn’t have to mean anything. She had simply needed a friend and I had been there for her.

“Yeah, right. No, you’re jealous, I can see it in your eyes.” Dean pointed out and when his pager went off, I let out a sigh of relief. He checked it immediately, turning it off afterward. “Speak of the devil. Seems like Y/N needs a consult, but this conversation isn’t over.”

“There’s been no conversation to begin with.” I joked when Dean got up from the chair, throwing his pager back into the pocket of his scrubs.

Dean rolled his eyes at that. “Yeah, sure thing. See ya, Sammy.”

With that, he gathered the remnants of his lunch and turned around, tossing the empty can into the trash can. He pushed the door open with his foot and stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth right before it closed after him, making me chuckle at his neverchanging eating habits.

I had never thought Dean would willingly get away from Dad, but seemed like even I had been wrong in some instances.

Maybe I was wrong about me and Y/N, too?


	11. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta’d so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> I think only one chapter is going to come after this one, how crazy! Anyways, I hope you’re going to like this chapter, thanks for reading!

The door to the emergency room you were in opened wide and you couldn’t help but feel relieved when you saw Dean walking inside.

“Said you needed a consult?” Dean ran his hand through his hair and you nodded, squeezing the hand of the girl sitting on the bed. “Hi, sweetheart. Why are you here?” he said to her, shooting her his most charming smile.

She didn’t respond in any way, staring into space still, like she had been for a few seconds already. That had happened a few times, with her regaining consciousness after some time, and you had no idea what to do.

“Yeah, would be nice,” you said, trying to keep the sadness off your voice as you thought what the girl in the room was going through. “Sarah’s parents brought her in today because she was zoning out all the time and they couldn’t get to her in any way. Then she had trouble remembering what happened and I’m pretty much lost here.”

Dean gave you a nod and stepped closer to the girl, waving his hand in front of her eyes. She didn’t react. “You should page the peds. And how old is she?”

“I will, as soon as you figure out what’s up. She’s six,” you responded and Sarah blinked a few times, looking at you with fear in her eyes when she turned her head to the side, clearly getting back to consciousness. “Hey, it’s alright,” you said calmly, letting go off her hand and brushing the hair away from her face. “This is doctor Dean and he’s going to help us, okay?”

“Okay,” she said quietly, lowering her gaze down.

Dean crouched next to the bed, trying to make Sarah look at him. “Doctor Y/N here said that you’re having some trouble, is that true?”

She looked at him, nodding shyly in response. Her pigtails bounced with the movement, her curly black hair swishing in the air.

“How are you feeling? Is your tummy hurting?” he asked, his voice soft and gentle.

“No.” She shook her head, her hands clasped firmly on her lap.

“That’s good,” Dean said and a small smile broke out on her face, like she was proud because of what Dean said. “Do you want to play a game, sweetheart?”

You couldn’t hide a smile at the way her face lit up at that question. Dean caught your gaze for a moment, his eyes sparkling, and you had to admit he seemed completely at ease if it came to working with kids. It was an amazing sight.

Sarah nodded with enthusiasm. “Yes, I love games! Can we play with dolls?” she reached for a doll lying next to her and waved it in front of Dean’s face, the doll’s golden brown skin only a bit lighter than the girl’s.

“Maybe doctor Y/N will play with dolls with you later, but I have a different idea.” A frown appeared on her face when she put the doll away, but she waited for Dean to continue, focused. “Do you like looking at the sky and the stars?”

“Yes!” she admitted and Dean took his pocket flashlight out of his scrubs, flipping it in his fingers. “They’re so pretty, like diamonds my mommy wears!”

He flicked it on and showed the light to her, pointing at the pink wand with a star on top that was printed on her shirt. “See this light? It kinda looks like a shining star on your shirt, doesn’t it?” Sarah pouted, but he only laughed, making you smile, too. They were both adorable. “Can we pretend it’s a shooting star, then?”

“Maybe.” She drawled the word out in a boring manner, but there was a smirk on her face.

A loud knock on the door sounded in the room and you opened it, seeing the girl’s worried parents standing outside. Their gaze moved from you to Sarah and they relaxed, seeing that she was smiling and laughing as he kept telling her to follow the “star’s” light with her etes.

You turned a bit to the side to catch Sarah’s gaze and she gave you a cute smile. “Can you stay here with doctor Dean for a moment? I’ll talk to your mom and dad.”

“Yeah!” she agreed, so you went out of the room and closed the door behind you, facing Sarah’s parents.

“Doctor Dean Winchester is the best neurosurgeon we’ve got in this hospital.” Your voice cracked a bit when the memories of Josie flooded your mind, but it didn’t end up being noticed by the two, and you got rid of those thoughts fairly quickly. “I’m sure he’ll figure out what your little girl is going through.”

Sarah’s mom let out a sigh. “Thank you so much.”

“Of course.” You smiled, letting your hand rest on her shoulder for a brief moment. “I’m going to page a good peds doctor for your girl, too. No matter what it is, she should have someone to take care of her well, just give me a minute.”

“Sure, that’d be great.” Her dad admitted and you turned on your heel, walking to the computers set at the pit’s desk, weaving through the people on your way there. You’d have to figure out which doctor would be the best fit, even though there had been some changes in peds department lately.

You plopped onto the chair next to Jo Harvelle, giving her a smile when she looked up at you from the computer screen. “Oh, hey there. What’s up?”

“The usual,” you said and she shrugged, smiling. “I need a great peds, who’s the best one out here? I didn’t have a chance to interact with those new ones well yet.”

“That’s easy,” Jo said, crossing her legs. “I’d go with Gabriel Milton. Kids adore him, he’s easy to work with, and he’s an amazing specialist. Want his phone number? ‘Cause he’s got a week off right now, so there’s no way you can page him.”

You nodded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah, that would be great. Thanks!”

“No problem.” She picked up a pen and scribbled his full name and a phone number on a loose leaf of paper, holding it toward you, but not giving it to you exactly. You raised your eyebrows and Jo let out a laugh, waving the paper in front of your face. “Okay, can I ask you about something first?”

You smiled, wondering what would she want to know from you. “Yeah, ask away.”

“Are you and Dean…” She cut off, but the expression on her face said enough for you to realize what she had meant.

“No, oh my god!” you couldn’t contain a chuckle and she started laughing as well, the tension fading away. “We’re friends, but that’s about it. Not my type.”

Jo seemed pleased with that and you bet she had the eyes for Dean Winchester. “Good. Who’s your type, then?” you bit on your lip, not sure if you could share the news with her. You didn’t know her that well, since your best friend had always been Josie, but you longed to share it with someone. “Come on, I’m curious. That’s all,” she added.

“Tall, smart, looks kinda like an overexcited puppy.” You blurted out before you realized what you did and her mouth went agape as she connected the dots.

“Sam fucking Winchester!” Jo whispered and you chuckled, burying your reddening face in your hands. “No way!”

You got up from the chair, snatching the card with doctor Gabriel’s phone number on your way. “Yes way. And why were you asking about me and Dean, anyway?”

“No reason.” Jo pursed her lips in a thin line and you shook your head in disapproval.

“Yeah, I surely believe you,” you teased, going back to the room Sarah was in.

You peeked through the barely open door, finding Sarah’s parents on both her sides with Dean examining her still. She seemed relaxed, content even, and you walked inside, giving the girl a little wave. Sarah responded with the same gesture and the attention of the entire room was on you in an instant. You walked toward Sarah’s dad slowly, stopping right in front of him.

  
“This doctor will be a great fit for you,” you said, handing the piece of paper to him and he took it from you, smiling. “He’s not in the hospital currently, that’s why I can’t page him to come and see us right now, but I’m sure he’ll pick up when you call him.”

“Of course, we’ll get in touch with him quickly. Thank you.” He seemed moved, clutching the piece of paper like a lifeline, and you wished you could understand their worries. You didn’t have siblings, your parents didn’t care about you much, so there was no one you cared for that deeply.

Cas, Sam and Dean were all you had, since Josie was gone.

You nodded, snapping out of your daze. “Anytime.” Then, you moved closer to Dean, as he seemed to have finished examination. “What did you come up with?”

“I’ve got an idea, but we need a CT scan first. Maybe a PET scan if nothing shows on CT,” he whispered, pushing himself up from where he sat on the bed. “And all regular blood work, we need to be sure we haven’t overlooked nothing simple.”

“Sure thing.” You agreed and Dean looked at the panicked parents, gesturing for them to go outside.

“We need to talk to your parents for a moment, will you stay here alone?” you asked Sarah, giving her a high five when she nodded, busying herself with her doll.

Sarah’s parents went out first, you and Dean following their steps. They turned around and looked at you both, waiting for what you had to say.

Dean cleared his throat, hiding the flashlight back in his scrubs. “Those zoning out moments that your daughter has? I think they’re a rare kind of seizures, but I’m going to need to confirm that before we start treatment.”

“Seizures? And what treatment?” Sarah’s mom’s hands began shaking and her husband entwined their fingers together, his other hand coming around her waist as he pulled her closer.

“Yes, those could be seizures. And if I’m correct and those will be the seizures I’m thinking about, we’ll have to put your daughter on medication so she can live without those attacks interrupting her daily life,” Dean explained in a calm and collected voice and they nodded simultaneously.

Sarah’s dad was the first to break the silence. “How are you going to make sure if you’re right or wrong?”

“The simplest way is performing a CT scan of the brain so I can see which areas of the brain are active during a seizure. That way, I’ll be able to figure out which area of the brain is a direct cause of the seizure, so I can identify the type of seizures your daughter’s having,” Dean said and they nodded in understanding, clearly pleased with the explanation.

“That sounds reasonable.” Sarah’s mom admitted.

Dean smiled. “Doctor Y/N is going to make sure Sarah gets admitted to the hospital and we’ll start all the examinations tomorrow. Is that okay with you or would you like to go home to pack some things for her?”

Sarah parents shared a look, communicating without words. “I’ll go back home and my husband will stay with Sarah,” her mom said, a faint smile on her lips. “She’s going to be okay, right?”

“She’ll be just fine, I promise,” you responded and she gave you a nod.

“Good. We’ll get to work now.” Dean gestured for you to follow him and you walked after him, slipping into the storage room when he opened the door for you. He shut the door and walked to one of the shelves with medications, leaning against it.

You leaned against the wall, fixing your ponytail. “Why did you drag me in here?”

“I guess I just wanted to say thanks.” He smiled tentatively, scratching the nape of his neck.

Your forehead scrunched at that as you weren’t sure what he meant. “For what?”

“We talked things out with Sammy, it should be all good now.” Dean grinned and you responded with a smile of your own, relieved that you were right. “All thanks to you, friend.”

“That’s great!” you beamed, letting out a chuckle when Dean swooped you in for a tight hug, taking away your ability to breathe with his strength. “Okay, okay, you’re crushing me,” you stuttered, but leaned into his touch anyway, smiling.

Dean chuckled, a slight tint of pink on his cheeks as he pulled away. “Sorry, but I thought I was never going to get a chance to make things better between me and him. Glad it didn’t turn out to be the case.”

“I knew you’d both come around,” you said and he raised his eyebrows at that. “You’re both too stubborn for your own good, but you care for each other and it shows. Not to mention that it seems like you’re one organism when you’re in the OR.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Well, that’s what having dozens and dozens of mutual surgeries does to you. But, really, thanks a lot.”

“No problem. Besides, I couldn’t stand you both moping around for ages,” you teased, laying your hand on the doorknob, and pushed the door open.

Dean went out after you, smiling at Jo when she noticed her looking at you both. “Do you have any idea why is Jo looking at me like that?” he whispered, confusion ringing clear in his voice.

“Like what?” you asked, pretending to have no idea what look he had meant.

“Like she wants to eat me alive.” You barely suppressed a snort at that. Damn if he hadn’t gotten it right. “Not that I’d have a problem with that, but it’s distracting.”

Shrugging nonchalantly, you said, “Maybe ask her about it.”

Dean’s gaze locked with yours and he pointed at you with his finger, a smirk on his face. “Oh, you know something. Now, spill.”

“Not a chance.” You shook your head as you pretend to zip your lips and threw the imaginary key away, a smile dancing on your lips. He looked like he couldn’t believe you were refusing to share the secret with him.

“Fine.” Dean crossed his arms in front of himself, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he turned to the side. “I’d tell you something interesting, too, but guess that’s not gonna happen.”

The curiosity got the best of you and you decided to bug him about it anyway, even though you felt he wouldn’t want to say anything. “What would you tell me?”

He shook his head, walking away. “Maybe ask Sam? Or, maybe ask Sam out?”

You stood there stunned, having a bit trouble processing the information as you watched him go out of the pit. Had he really meant what he had said or had it been just a slip up? Maybe they had decided to play a prank on you?

But, as soon as that question entered your mind, you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about how safe you had felt in Sam’s embrace whenever he would comfort you or how loved you felt when he had stayed over to help you cope with Josie’s loss. Not to mention all those moments you had shared, talking about your patients and your lives whenever the shift had turned out to be too much.

Had Dean been serious, or had he been only joking?

As soon as you saw Sam entering the pit, gracing you with that breathtaking smile of his, you decided it was time to find that out.


	12. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta’d so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> Unicorns, the time has come. This chapter was the last one of the series and I wanted to thank all the people who followed this series to the very end. Let me know if you liked this one, thanks again for everything <3

You ran up to Sam without a second thought, feeling your heart flutter when he smiled at you again. He looked gorgeous like this, even tired and with bags under his eyes.

“Hey. What’s up?” he asked nonchalantly and you shrugged, leaning against the wall.

“Not much, to be honest. What about you?” you raised your eyebrows, bracing yourself for asking Sam if Dean had been only joking or if there had been any truth to his words.

Sam looked at you with curiosity in his eyes, but you didn’t say a word. “Same, kind of. I was about to check on my patients, but I got a page from Jo that you needed something from me. What is it?”

Shit, there was no going back now.

You felt your cheeks heat up as you stayed quiet, trying to come up with a smart way to approach the subject. The silence drew on and the nerves got the best of you, making you fiddle with the sleeves of your whitecoat. Why were you that nervous? Sam clearly liked you a lot, so the idea of him having more romantic feelings toward you shouldn’t sound bizarre.

Maybe you should get to it and stop overthinking the whole mess? What was the worst that could happen?

“Yeah, she was right, ” you stuttered, clearing your throat when you realized how weird your voice had sounded, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I wanted to talk to you, if you’ve got a minute.”

“Sure, go ahead,” Sam said, dimples appearing when that beautiful smile appeared on his face again.

You reciprocated the smile, but shook your head, pushing the door to the inventory room open. “Maybe here, in private?” you suggested.

Sam gave you a nod so you walked into the room, flicking the light switch on. He followed suit and closed the door behind you two when you turned to look at him, leaning against it afterward.

You let out a chuckle when Sam let his body slide to the floor, stretching out his legs when he sat down. “Damn, I’m exhausted,” he whispered, running his hand through his hair. Patting the space next to him, Sam said, “Come here, then you can talk.”

“Okay.” You walked up to him and plopped down onto the floor right next to him, only realizing how tired you were when you leaned back on the door and brought your knees tight to your chest. And you still had a huge part of your shift to get through. “So, I wanted to ask you about something, actually.”

“Go on.” Sam encouraged, patting you on the shoulder.

The little contact was enough to make your heart race in your chest.

“Why did you help me so much after Josie-” you cut off, still unable to force the word out of your mouth. “I want to know, that’s all.”

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed and he thought the question through for a moment before answering. “That’s what friends do. I wanted to be there for you, to make sure you were going to be okay.” He admitted, the corners of his lips stretching into a soft smile.

“Friends?” the word didn’t sit right on your tongue, but you let it out anyway, despite your better judgement.

You hoped you didn’t sound disappointed.

“Best friends, even.” Sam’s gaze lowered to his hands for a moment and you blinked twice to make sure you weren’t imagining things. He seemed somewhat nervous, fiddling with the hem of his scrubs and worrying his lip with his teeth. “Or-” he cut off and you couldn’t help but be intrigued at what he wanted to say.

Taking a deep breath, you shifted a bit so that you were closer to Sam, your body pressed against his. He raised his gaze to look at you, his piercing stare making your breath hitch in your throat. “Or what?” you whispered, loud enough for him to hear it.

“We could be more than friends, if that’s what you came here to talk about.” Sam blurted out, lowering his gaze, and you were stunned to silence.

He couldn’t be talking about that, could he?

You opened your mouth a few times, trying to agree to that suggestion, but you had trouble bringing yourself to do it. Sam watched your attempts sitting as still as only a statue could be, waiting for you to let some words out.

He beat you to talking, though, before you had the chance to kick yourself to talk first. “But if you wanted to talk about something else, then you can completely ignore what I just said. I didn’t mean to-”

You cut him off without meaning to do that; your hand came up to cup his cheek before you realized what you were doing. Brushing your thumb against his scruffy cheek, you said, “That’s exactly what I wanted to talk about.”

“Really?” the beaming smile on Sam’s face was easily brightest than the sun itself.

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “Really.”

With some hesitance, Sam laid his hand on yours, the warmth of his skin seeping into your body. You let him entwine your fingers together, your gaze locking with his when he leaned forward a bit. You could feel his cologne tickling your nose, rich and beautiful smell that had easily become your favorite throughout the time you had spent with Sam.

The time seemed to stop when he brushed the hair away from your face with his other hand, sliding it down to the side of your neck, raising goosebumps in its wake. “Can I-” Sam cut off, his gaze drifting lower to your lips, and you gave him a nod, afraid your voice would betray you.

Slowly, Sam inched closer, and you held your breath in anticipation when his lips finally brushed against yours. His gentleness surprised you only a little bit and you let your eyes flutter shut, letting out a sigh when Sam pulled you tight against his body, enveloping your body with his arms.

You had never felt so safe, shielded from all bad that was out in the world like in that moment, completely engrossed in Sam and the way every brush of his lips made shivers run down your spine. Your heart was thudding in his chest, so fast that you could hear the blood running through your ears, and the world faded away to nothingness before you could do anything to stop it.

You didn’t want it to stop, though.

Sam pulled away after a beat and you let out a content sighed, opening your eyes to see him smiling at you widely. His eyes were sparkling, his mouth parted a bit, and you grinned at the sight, letting out a chuckle.

“We should go out sometime,” you suggested, getting up from the floor and extending your hand to help Sam up. He accepted it, almost making you trip when he tugged at your hand and you laughed, shaking your head at his antics.

Your heart swelled with love even more than you thought was possible.

“We should.” Sam agreed, not letting go of your hand, and you had to admit you wouldn’t let go anytime soon, either. “You’ve got tomorrow free, right?”

Nodding, you said, “Yeah. I’m getting off the shift tomorrow morning and coming back after the weekend ends. I’ve waited so long to get a breather from work, I swear.”

“Hey, me too.” He grinned. “We could go to a dinner together after we sleep this shift off.”

“Yeah, okay.” You agreed, feeling giddy and excited at the thought alone.

One look at Sam was enough to determine that you weren’t the only one feeling that way.

Sam laid his hand on the doorknob and twisted it, stopping dead in his tracks before he opened the door. “We’re going on a date!” He whisper-yelled and pecked your cheek, making you laugh out loud at that.

His excitement was incredible to say at least and you squeezed his hand tight, giving him a nod. Sam pushed the door open and gestured for you to get out first, following soon after.

When you walked out of the room and onto the pit, your fingers still entwined, you realized that saving lives would only get easier with Sam by your side.

After all, he was the one who had saved yours.


End file.
